The use of the word "gangs" to describe youths who hang around committing crime could make their activities worse, a study has claimed.
The Youth Justice Board conducted a major study on "gangs" and concluded that the term is "inappropriate". It also suggested replacing the phrase "gang-related" with "group-related". The new terminology for gang should be something nice and cuddly like "cluster".
The "crimes" committed by these "clusters" should not be called "crimes" as it makes it look as if they are doing something "wrong", they are just being misunderstood and the new terminology should reflect this.
The "misunderstandings" by these "clusters" should also be changed, according to Li Beral, of the YJB.
Instead of "robbery", which is a nasty phrase to bandy around sensitive youths, should be changed to "misappropriation", stabbing should be changed to "heightened interlocution" and threatening to pop a cap in some mo-fo's ass should be henceforth referred to as "terminally inconclusive dialogue"
Sexual offences will also be re-branded, so as to avoid any unnecessary suffering on the part of any members of the "clusters" perpetrating the "misunderstanding".
Sexual harassment will now be called a "carnal misunderstanding" Rape will be termed "presumptive physical monologue".
Violent sexual offences will have to be called "mutual carnal misunderstanding" due the fact that these type of offences include more than one party, the "missunderstander" and the "missunderstandee" , and it is mutual, as these things are rarely one sided.