President Bush Wants To Sell Air Force 1
(MUSICMAN PRESS) After a loud chat with the First Lady, Bush made public his plans to sell "his" first-class jet known as Air Force 1.
Read full storyPresident Bush Presses for Albanian Immigration Reform
WASHINGTON White House sources acknowledge that President George Bush has been holding meetings with key members of congress in order to break through the present stalemate in important immigration reform. The President wants to put the problem of i...
Read full storyRosie Underwent Surgery
(MUSICMAN PRESS) In a surprising event T.V. giant Rosie O'Donnell took a week off from debating useless topics with 'other know it alls' who actually know less than her, if that's humanly possible.
Read full storyGod Denies Knowing Paris Hilton
Embarrassed by all the attention the new, religious, Paris Hilton is getting, God has issued a burning bush proclamation announcing, he didn't inspire or give Paris any encouragement to do good deeds. "Her deeds are on her, not me" she...
Read full storyRoof collapses on Labour Party's chairwoman Hazel Blears
Westminster, SW1 - (Ass Mess): As a potential Act of God insurers are heaving a sigh of relief that they won't have to fork out on a collapsed building in Westminster's Dean Farrar Street which houses Tony Blair's right-hand woman cheerle...
Read full storyPrinces Wills and Harry tell Matt Lauer about their saddo sex lives
London - (Ass Mess): The Pretender to the Throne's heirs have told US TV show host Matt Lauer that sex lives are a pathetic sham and nobody bothers to ask them out on dates any more.
Read full storyChild calls 911 to report crying birds at sex offender's home
(Seattle, WA) Little Matthew Christianson was in tears when he called 911 Tuesday reporting a nest of birds under the eaves of a neighbor's house crying like human children. "They're screaming 'No!' and 'Don't!' and &...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com Reaches Nirvana
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Dublin - The editor, Mark Lowton, and all the writers at TheSpoof.com have achieved a state of Nirvana thanks to a poster named Dattaswami. At first all the writers resisted and called on Mark Lowton to remove the poster and h...
Read full storyJaywalking suspect walks away with babbling officer's gun
(Seattle, WA) Officer Mark Dairy remembers stopping a man jaywalking across a busy five-lane highway Tuesday, but he claims he blacked out shortly after approaching the suspect.
Read full storyBillionaires Yachting Club starts grassroots movement for Presidential pardon of 'Scooter'
Washington, D.C. - Facing 30 months in Federal prison with no chance for early parole, by statute, the fate of 'Scooter' Libby now rest at the end of a ballpoint pen and piece of parchment on the desk of President Bush to grant him a Presiden...
Read full storyJericho Fan Wants His Nuts Back
A Wisconsin man, who is the self-described world's biggest "Jericho" fan was excited, but confused, when informed of people sending nuts to CBS to encourage the show's renewal.
Read full storyShock, Horror -- Pirates Never Said "Arrrr"
(The Black Pearl) - Shiver-me-timbers.. Cap'n Jack Sparrow's crew are fakers. So says Christopher Bonanos a senior editor at New York magazine.
Read full storyBush praises Ron Paul
In a surprise "off the record" press conference outside the White House this morning, President George Bush praised presidential candidate Ron Paul for being a leading Livertarian and lover of the Constitution.
Read full storyU.S. Court approves Fuck and Shit on TV
Flash: Hooterville: (Some girls do) - This probably comes as NO great surprise to any U.S. prime time television watcher. There is only Fuck and Shit on TV, it's just that you ain't allowed to say it! -- Until now. And actually on the TV sc...
Read full storySticker vandalism spreads to Disneyland
Recent waves of bumper sticker tagging has spread to The Happiest Place on Earth. Thousands of stickers bearing Mickey Mouse ears and swastika appeared on the grounds of Disneyland Monday evening.
Read full storyTranslation Service to be suspended
The home office has stated that expensive translation services will no longer be offered to those who do not speak English.
Read full storyU.S. Justice System on Trial
In the court of public opinion, the U.S. justice system is on trial. The prosecution, the media and the American public, the defense, the status quos and the system, the accused, the delicate balance of the scales of justice.
Read full storyRev. Al Sharpton Meets with L.A. County Sheriff to ensure Paris Hilton is not getting special treatment
Los Angeles, California - African-American civil rights champion, Rev. Al Sharpton, has taken upon himself to make certain that Paris Hilton will not be receiving any special treatment at the expense of economically challenged Whites or minorities, w...
Read full storyNatalie Reid paid to do Paris Hilton jail time!
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Read full storyBritney Spears Production of George Bush Speech Hot iTunes Download
(Los Angeles--CA) Is it a step toward the new Brit? An attempt to steal the interrogation spotlight from Prisoner Paris? Or is Britney Spears just going behind the recording studio mixing board?...
Read full storyJail medics blame Paris ADD on dodgy hair extension glue seepage
Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Paris Hilton's reported Attention Deficit Disorder may have been caused by toxic seepage from the glue that attaches her 30 inch long peroxide hair extensions to her scalp according to medical sources at Lynwood Jail whe...
Read full storyPopeye Being Sued by Spinach Industry
SEAWATER, CA (AP Newsliar) -- The spinach industry filed a joint lawsuit against Popeye the Sailor Man today, sources reported. The suit alleges that Popeye violated contractual stipulations related to his obligations as spokesman for the spinach in...
Read full storyParis Hilton to foot $1,000+ per day bill for Lynwood 'room service' charges
Lynwood Jail - (Ass Mess): 'Room Service' charges for socialite inmate Paris Hilton at the Lynwood Correctional Facility are said to be running at in excess of $1,000 per day and have been reported as being fully billable to her when her inca...
Read full storyHoodies just want their mums!
The latest report published by the Institute of Womb Studies (IWS) suggests that hooded youths are more likely to come from backgrounds where motherly love was either not available or not sufficient.
Read full storyJudge denies flashing at commuter
London, Tuesday - One of the UK's top and most respected judges, Sir Richard Stephens, strenuously denied "flashing" at a young female commuter in court on Tuesday.
Read full storyBush's Rolex stolen in Albania
Tirana - (Ass Mess): President Bush's much admired limited edition platinum Rolex wristwatch has been stolen during a hand-shaking walkabout in the Albanian capital of Tirana today.
Read full storyDisney making cartoon of Aishwarya Rai's fairytale life
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): The Walt Disney movie company is to make a cartoon of the magical life of green-eyed Bollywood star Aishwarya Rai from her Indian beauty queen roots through to her Miss World Title and onto her stellar career as the queen of B...
Read full storyI can't eat enough!
I went to an "all-you-can-eat" Chinese buffet yesterday. The whole thing cost only 4 bucks so I won't complain about the poor quality of the food.
Read full storyMedia hits back at Blair's Princess Diana comparison
London - (Ass Mess): UK media sources have hit back at UK Prime Monster's tortured claims that he is being hounded by them "just like Pricess Diana".
Read full story"Papparazi out to get me!" wails Blair
Drowning Street, SW1 - (Ass Mess): Come back Alistair Campbell, everything is forgiven!...
Read full storyBong Hits 4 Cunnilingus!
Georgia - (Ass Mess): In a landmark legal ruling Georgia Superior Court Judge Thomas Wilson has ruled that consensual oral sex with a teenager is a misdemeanour and not a felony.
Read full storyHillary Walking Back to the White House
CAPITOL HILL (Washington Post-Mortem)- Always a step ahead of her fellow libocrat presidential wannabes, erstwhile New York junior senator and ex-first lady Hillary (not Rodham anymore) Clinton has decided on a 2008 presidential camp...
Read full storySenior High Court Judge In Hideous Train Flashing Attack
A woman travelling on a London-bound train was subjected to a harrowing and hideous flashing attack by one of Britain's most senior judges, a court has heard.
Read full storyBob Monkhouse Returns From The Dead
In a shock to the comedy establishment today, veteran comedian Bob Monkhouse has returned from the dead. He was initially spotted playing golf alongside Jimmy Tarbuck on Saturday, but journalists simply didn't believe the dead comedian had return...
Read full storyBrazen Tittywobbling Women Rejoice At News Of Breastfeeding Bill
Women who prefer to breastfeed their babies and young children will soon be able to do so in public, after the Government passed a new bill yesterday.
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