Written by TedG63

Tuesday, 12 June 2007

image for Jericho Fan Wants His Nuts Back

A Wisconsin man, who is the self-described world's biggest "Jericho" fan was excited, but confused, when informed of people sending nuts to CBS to encourage the show's renewal.

Wilbert P. Hayes has provided for us a copy of the letter he sent to CBS regarding the incident.

    Dear Sir or Madam:

    I would first like to first thank you for renewing Jericho. It is my finest program. In my excitement to keep the show on the TV, I did not pay attention to what folks were sending, so, I cut my balls off with my Uncle Junior's fishing knife.


    I then put them in his cooler, and filled it with ice, and sent it via the overnight express man to CBS. While they were on route I discovered that (a) you had decided to renew the "Jericho" which made me very happy and (b) that people were sending you peanuts which was very upsetting to me, especially considering that I misunderstood when people, in their attempts to keep "The Barefoot Contessa" on the Food Network, were sending in angus meat, and not anus meat. They could not send that back to me.

    But my Uncle Junior has this real good doctor, well, he's a veterinarian actually, but when his Bull Tuscaloosa got his testicles caught in the barb-wire fence he helped re-attach them, and he's willing to give it a whirl with me.

    So, if you receive a small blue cooler that contain two testicles, and they are white, and partially distended, then I would be so happy if you could put them in your own ice, you can use the same cooler, and send them back to me. I will pay the postage. And again, thank you for putting Jericho back on the air. Now if I could just have my balls back that would be great.

CBS spokesman Grant Underworth stated that no one at the Tiffany network either possesses or has seen a pair of balls and would not recognize them if the saw them.

Tough luck for Ball-less Wilbert P. Hayes, but happy viewing.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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