Written by Hugh Plonnka

Tuesday, 12 June 2007


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Judge denies flashing

London, Tuesday - One of the UK's top and most respected judges, Sir Richard Stephens, strenuously denied "flashing" at a young female commuter in court on Tuesday.

The judge was asked directly "Did you flash at this woman?" to which he replied "No I did not. Being a judge, I am fully aware of the legal ramifications of 'flashing' at a complete stranger, which this woman is. What I did cannot be described as 'flashing'."

The woman claims never to have met or spoken to Sir Richard before, but claims that on two separate occasions in October last year, he flashed his genitalia at her.

"There is no way I am mistaken. This is definitely the man, and he definitely showed me his willy" the woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said.

Stephens' lawyer, Gordon Rippov, asked the woman "Is it true that you took out your mobile phone during the second alleged incident?"

"Yes, it is" she replied.

"Or did you actually take it out before the alleged incident, and inform my client that you wanted to take a picture of his manhood with the 3 megapixel in-built camera?" asked Rippov.

"Sir Richard, please reveal the contents of your underpants to the jury."

At this point, Rippov revealed "exhibit 252b" and the court was shown an enlarged image of a small manhood on a plasma screen TV.

"Is that the same penis you see before you?" he asked the jury.

As the jury nodded their heads, the woman exclaimed "But what about the first time?"

"Sir Richard, please explain" said Rippov.

"I was sitting across from [Miss X], and I realised my flies were undone as she kept looking down there, and as I went to do them up, I got some stray pubic hairs stuck in the zip," Sir Richard explained. "I pulled the zip down, and regrettably, my penis, which had now become erect from the attention [Miss X] was showing it, forced itself out."

The judge presiding adjourned proceedings as the woman had started moaning wildly and was rushed off for medical attention, which she vehemently claimed she didn't require.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: flasher, Flashing

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