Drowning Street, SW1 - (Ass Mess): Come back Alistair Campbell, everything is forgiven!
That is the desperate plea from No 10 Drowning Street today as beleagured UK Prime Monster Tony Blair plays his trump, Princess Diana-esque card and blames being hounded by the media for all his misfortunes.
These chiefly center around two whopping great big corruption probes which have nailed him as the prime suspect in selling peerages to former IRA thugs and ex-KGB hitmen who lent money to the Labour Party as well as gagging a huge Serious Fraud Squad probe into running slush funds for dodgy Saudis involved in legit and corrupt arms deals.
Blair said today that the media is like "a feral beast" that has constantly stalked him, waiting for the handcuffs and manacles to arrive in an imminent dawn raid.
"They're out to get me," Blair moaned hysterically citing feeling so threatened that it is affecting his "capacity to take the right decisions for the country".
"If you think Princess Di had it back, think again," were the PM's weasel words as he branded impact-driven agendas that made him feel like a hounded animal "being torn to bits, having my reputation shredded in public and having to fight singlehanded against the burgeoning rat-pack".
Dabbing at his eyes with a Paul Smith silk hanky, Blair appeared to stifle a few sobs and sighs as he appealed for understanding from the press.
His request however was meat with a deafening silence.