Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 12 June 2007

image for Brazen Tittywobbling Women Rejoice At News Of Breastfeeding Bill
Milk anybody?

Women who prefer to breastfeed their babies and young children will soon be able to do so in public, after the Government passed a new bill yesterday.

The Public Breastfeeding Bill 2007 was made law after ministers returned a 486-1 vote in favour of the change.

Many women say feeding their children breast milk gives them the perfect start in life, but this can also cause embarrassment to members of the public if carried out, for instance, in the street, parks, restaurants or on public transport. Now, they will be free to 'pull out the tit' anywhere, no matter how embarrassing this proves for nervous onlookers.

It's good news for women's groups who have long campaigned for a lttle bit more 'titty freedom', and could be the thin end of the wedge as far as mammaric exposure goes.

Janet Brazen, of the breastfeeding group Titsbest, said:

"This is great news for mothers and children. I can't wait to get me oomlaaters out."

And Wendy Waytoolong, of Bristol, who still suckles her 15-year-old son Tarquin twice a day, told TheSpoof:

"My son won't go to school until he's had his fill. His mates think he's daft, but you can't beat your Mum's goodness in a morning!"

But already there has been some opposition from men.

Dan Prude, 57, said:

"Some women are just not easy on the eye, and this new bill could have enormous ramifications for men like me who find long sagging breasts unpleasant."

The new ruling, although encouraging women to 'express themselves' with their children, does not extend as far as feeding their husbands or boyfriends in public, although it's thought that this will form the basis of an extension of the bill some time next year.

Labour's John Prescott, a bit of a tit himself, said:

"This bill is just what leering men like myself have been hoping for. Now we won't have to sneak a crafty look from behind our newspapers or damage our eyesight peeking sideways. I sometimes get an enormous ramification meself. It'll be one Almighty Titfest."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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