(Seattle, WA) Officer Mark Dairy remembers stopping a man jaywalking across a busy five-lane highway Tuesday, but he claims he blacked out shortly after approaching the suspect.
A witness at the scene said the man made a series of unusual hand gestures and that Dairy appeared to go limp.
"The jaywalker gently removed the officer's sidearm and practically skipped away," she said. Dairy was also unresponsive to assistance.
The police department had no comment.
Defying The Spoof's belief, research has discovered what may have happened to the officer is related to the CIA's MKULTRA Program, a mind control conspiracy presumably shut down in 1977.
Researchers describe children being drugged, brainwashed, and sexually abused at government and private facilities around the world.
"They are conditioned to specific stimuli which triggers a traumatically-induced multiple personality that may have lain dormant since early childhood," said a former intelligence agent turned whistleblower.
"If knowledge of the triggers spreads to the general population, thousands of victims could be at risk of exposure. Though more often than not, many of the guinea pigs have already converted to the Dark Side, so to speak."
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