U.S. Open to Adopt New Tennis Ball! Federer Cries Foul!

Funny story written by Jean Le Fete

Monday, 20 August 2007

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New Ball to Slow Down Tennis

Flushin Meadows, NY - U.S. Open Officials today announced a radical change to this year's U.S. Open Tennis Championships. Over the years the ball has change from white to yellow and perhaps the most radical change would be the "felt" or "fuzz", and there are different grades of balls that tournaments can use to make moderate changes in the bounce and response off of the surface. However, nothing has been nearly as radical as what is being proposed for Flushing Meadows this year!

The new rubberized "Whiff" Ball has the men's and women's tours up in arms. "This isn't tennis anymore," said Lleyton Hewitt, "If we play with this it will look like...I can't bloody describe it! I'll be boycotting."

"This ball bounces and curves like nothing I've ever seen," said Roger Federer, "I don't think most of us can make a decent match with it, we'll be injured by it. I played around with Safin yesterday and he's ready to take it and ram it up somone's...well you get the picture. This is the worst idea since they had rock music in between points."

"The idea just needs to be given a chance," said John McEnroe, who was an advisor in development of the ball, "This could help bring the game back to more of a nuanced game, not just raw power."

"This could help us into early retirement," said Nadal, "The ball can practically do a 90 degree turn, someones going to get hurt going for this ball."

A hearing has been set regarding the use of the ball. A decision will be made by Friday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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