Science International Knowledge Symposium, London - (Ass Mess): First blue-eyed Arians were lauded as more intelligent than their brown-eyed counter-parts.
Then other blondes were classified as genetically superior to their darker cousins.
And now scientists at London's Science International Knowledge Convention have sided with fat slags who claim that a virus and not compulsive greed is responsible for obesity.
"So it doesn't matter how much you diet or what exercise you do once you've had this virus there's nothing that will ever slim you down again," Symposium chair Rosie O'Fatarse said today.
"Not even a bout of anorexia or forced starvation. And as for belly-stapling, you can forget it."
Symposium members added today that scientists have always secretly known that obesity is caused by the same virus that causes colds and sore throats.
"This bug can be spread through dirty hands, bestial sex and underage drinking.
"Once it's in your system there's no stopping it as it multiplies in your belly and spreads to your thighs.
"Fortunately we might be able to vaccinate against it in the future. And although the NHS won't pay for such a luxury treatment we will still be able to offer it privately to patients with five grand to spare."
