Queen Elizabeth offers Wayne Rooney a knighthood!
Enter Sir Wayne Rooney, the Queen has decided to give him a knighthood for his devoted services to Queen and country! Elizabeth, now entering a slightly demented phase in her life followed England's misfortunes on the telly against the old enemies...
Read full story
Cristiano Ronaldo: I Feel So Sorry For Wayne Rooney
They were once the scourge of many a Premier League defence whilst playing for Manchester United, but the careers of Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo have taken different paths recently, with the Portuguese star saying he now feels sorry for the fo...
Read full story
Football Gossip: Bristol Rovers Bridesmaid, Wayne "Roos" Drink Arrest, Jordan Nobbs Offer, Dyche and The Spoof
New Bristol Rovers manager Graham Coughlan says taking on the job is an "extremely proud moment" after "10 years as a bridesmaid" in other roles. The 44-year-old was appointed as the League One side's new boss on a two-and-a-half-year deal on Sunday,...
Read full story
"Peter Crouch, The Greatest I've Ever Seen" - Thierry Henry. Liverpool 4 - Arsenal 1.
After witnessing his side's defeat at the hands of Liverpool, Arsenal's Thierry Henry had an amazing statement for the press; "Peter Crouch is the greatest striker I've ever seen."...
Read full story
Rooney Won't Sign New Deal - Can't Write Own Name
Wayne Rooney looks set to leave Manchester United because he will not, or cannot, sign a new deal at the club. The England striker is not thought to be interested in a move away from Old Trafford, but is understood to be physically unable to write...
Read full story
Spoof scandal rocks The Spoof, Rooney's ankle wins more points than R***y M****n coming out Spoofs!
The latest scandal to rock the marble chambers of the majestic SPOOF MANSION has hit like a force 9 earthquake and the tsunami that followed. The subject of this scandal is Rooney's ankle scoring more points than all of the "GAY SPOOFING" regardin...
Read full story
Wayne Rooney confirmed with rabies in Montenegro!
Jennifer Thompson On Screwing Rooney At The Lowry
Manchester United In 'For Sale' Shock
England win World cup!
X-Factor's Katie Waissel's Grandmother is still a Prostitute
Exclusive pictures as Wayne and Coleen tie the knot
Man Utd Trades Ryan Giggs to Tottenham Hotspur For Carlo Cudicini and Roman Pavlyuchenko
Rooney throws left hook at Phil Jones; United's only shot on target Monday evening!
Premier League Star "Didn't Have Sex With Rooney Prostitute"
Wayne Rooney owing £4.5 million is just a typing error
Capello tips Bent to batter bent Blatter
Capo Rues Roos Rocks
Rooney in U-Turn shock!
In an amazing U-turn - Wayne Rooney has decided to stay in Manchester for another five years. This just two days after the 24-year-old hitman claimed " the city's failure to attract world-class prostitutes to Old Trafford area prompted his dec...
Read full story
Robert Mugabe surprise Best Man at Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin's Wedding
The entire World awoke this morning in disbelief after learning that Robert Mugabe was yesterday the Best Man at Wayne and Coleen's Wedding which was held at the beautiful fortress of Villa Durazzo overlooking Santa Margherita on the Italian Rivi...
Read full story
Wayne Marries In Italy
Football star Wayne Rooney got married in Italy to his childhood sweetheart, a plate of ravioli, at lunchtime today. The ceremony took place in the Ristorante Unapizza in Portofino, and the footballer's best man was a tube of cannelone, filled wi...
Read full story
HMS Ark Royal a gift for the WAG who has everything
News that HMS Ark Royal is to be taken out of service, immediately, has sparked a furious row between the WAG's of UK based footballers. "It's what no one else can have and I want it" the wife of a famous Chelsea player told NMC News today. Sev...
Read full story
Gazza is Roo's DNA Pa say Salford slapper sources
Manchester - (Gonads): "Always thought there was something congenital about the two," the Salford Slappers Escort Agency commented today. The hooker bureau has claimed 57-times capped England midfielder Paul Gascoigne's own goal spawned Man U stri...
Read full story
Breaking news…
Interested in writing your own spoof news stories like these?
Yes, tell me more!Seven day catch up
Check out anything you've missed with the archive:
Daily Mail readers get behind Rooney
In a surprise show of sympathy, the liberal-minded and forgiving readers of the Daily Mail have started an appeal to help Wayne Rooney redeem himself. The appeal has been started by readers in the West Sussex town of Burgess Hill. A local couple,...
Read full story
Rooney second string hooker Helen Wood: curse of La Cervara hexed Wayne/Coleen nuptials
Manchester - (Gonads): The slinky Salford slapper has blamed an ancient Roman curse for blighting Wayne and Coleen's nuptials. Helen Wood, 23, whose three-in-a-bed antics have rocked the nation, said today the 2008 La Cervara ceremony 'was hexed'...
Read full story
Rooney's Nigerian Granny Shag-a-thon
Serial granny shagging, Football fat boy Wayne Rooney has been up to his old tricks again while in Nigeria. After returning to England, Wayne was said to have picked up a "stomach bug" from the local cuisine! But we can exclusively reveal it wa...
Read full story
Sponsor depicts Rooney as a fat, bearded, loser slob and he fitted the role perfectly!
Multi-millionaire superstar, Wayne Rooney, was asked by his Sponsor, to go back to his roots in their latest advertising campaign, Rooney of course said yes (over his appearance fees, no comment!). The scenario is that Rooney slips over his laces...
Read full story
Wayne Rooney IS worth 5 NHS Nurses annual salaries a week
A major report issued by some very influential people who know an awful lot about these things, has revealed that footballer Wayne Rooney is worth every penny of the salary he is paid, currently the equivalent in one week to the annual salary of 5 qu...
Read full story
Manchester United Disqualified From Champions League, Roma Through to Semi's
Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson, has dubbed the 7-1 thrashing of Roma at Old Trafford as 'The best night of European football we've had here" and few Man U fans would disagree. However, it seems UEFA is not amused.
Read full storyFunny Wayne Rooney Headlines
-
Wayne offered me Nanny's job, claims prostitute Jennifer Thompson
-
Wayne Rooney Seen Yodelling Over Hooker 'Juicy Jeni' With Lonely Goatherd
-
Helen Wood, Jennifer Thompson And Wayne Rooney Threesome Revelations Surface
-
Wayne Rooney Girls - Sponsorship Offers Flood In
-
Wayne Rooney is going nowhere, says Colleen
-
Wayne Rooney on the rocks
-
Gazza arrested for Rooney. 'I did it for you, mate'
-
Wayne Rooney to have secret transplant
-
Rooney and Tevez Demand Transfers following VAT Increase
-
Rooney sizzles, Nani dribbles & City crumbles!
-
Susan Boyle may put in a bid for Rooney to join her beloved 'Celtic'
-
Coleen McLoughlin leaves Wayne Rooney for ... me
-
Wayne Rooney Blames Hay Fever For Dalliances With Prostitutes
-
Wayne Rooney joins Roman Polanski in Switzerland for degenerate bender
-
Wayne Rooney Hooker Jenny Thompson Heads For South America
-
Jennifer Thompson To Service More England Players
-
Rooney's future in the hands of his mother-in-law
-
BBC 'let down' by Rooney decision
-
Wayne Rooney kidnapped!
-
Rooney orders zimmerframe!
