Cristiano Ronaldo: I Feel So Sorry For Wayne Rooney
They were once the scourge of many a Premier League defence whilst playing for Manchester United, but the careers of Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo have taken different paths recently, with the Portuguese star saying he now feels sorry for the fo...Read full story
Queen Elizabeth offers Wayne Rooney a knighthood!
Enter Sir Wayne Rooney, the Queen has decided to give him a knighthood for his devoted services to Queen and country! Elizabeth, now entering a slightly demented phase in her life followed England's misfortunes on the telly against the old enemies...Read full story
Football Gossip: Bristol Rovers Bridesmaid, Wayne "Roos" Drink Arrest, Jordan Nobbs Offer, Dyche and The Spoof
New Bristol Rovers manager Graham Coughlan says taking on the job is an "extremely proud moment" after "10 years as a bridesmaid" in other roles. The 44-year-old was appointed as the League One side's new boss on a two-and-a-half-year deal on Sunday,...Read full story
Naked Wayne Rooney - Scare tactics
Wayne Rooney is to be pictured on the Manchester United Web Site stark naked in an attempt to intimidate opposing teams it has been revealed.Read full story
Alex Ferguson Injured, Ruled Out For Season
In a very rare occurrence in professional sports, Manager Alex Ferguson, is the latest Manchester United man to succumb to injury.Read full story
Eric Cantona gives Wayne Rooney some helpful advice about the future
Manchester United legend Eric Cantona has spoken about Wayne Rooney's decision to leave the Old Trafford club and has offered him some helpful advice as to his next move. 'If the tomato slips out of the cheese and tomato sandwich' said Cantona 'do...Read full story
Rafa moves quickly to dismiss Rooney rumour
Rafa Benitez moved quickly this morning to distance himself with the speculation surrounding a possible move for Salford FC star Wayne Rooney. The speculation seems to have originated in the Spanish media and moved over to England appearing in less w...Read full story
Oregon cat houses batten down the hatches at Rooney 'conditioning training' arrival
Nike Town, Oregon - (Offside Mess): It's Man U's equivalent of Coleen's recent Lourdes trip to pray for a nuptial miracle from the Virgin. And it will see wayward striker Wayne Rooney put through his paces in an aversion therapy week to restore a...Read full story
Euro 2012: England prepare to fly home after Italy defeat
England players are today packing their suitcases and preparing to fly back home after the 4-2 penalty defeat to Italy last night. Ashley Cole and Ashley Young who both missed their crucial kicks, have already been offered a pizza advert, followin...Read full story
Capello tips Bent to batter bent Blatter
England manager Fabio Capello has ordered his players to let Switzerland "have some" in the Euro 2012 qualifier. Switzerland is famous for having spawned Sepp Blatter and for making cheese with holes in it. Capello is tipping in form striker Da...Read full story
Football Gossip & comments 2nd September 2012
Liverpool midfielder Jonjo Shelvey, 20, whose grandmother is from Edinburgh, has held talks with the SFA about potentially representing Scotland. (Sunday Mirror) "See you Jimmy, I mean Jonjo" England manager Roy Hodgson insists he will stick with veterans Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard and John Terry. Lampard, 34, Gerrard, 32, and Terry, 31, will not be discarded as they enter their 30s. (Dai...Read full story
Wayne Rooney had sex with his laptop 2000 times
The latest revelations about Wayne Rooney's love life have rocked the PC World. Sources within the computer repair technical department have revealed that the Manchester United footballer has had his laptop repaired 2000 times this month. An...Read full story
Wayne Rooney Exclusive: It's Synchronised Swimming!
We can exclusively reveal that it's not money or the attraction of another club that is pulling Wayne Rooney away from Manchester United. He wants to perform in Britain's synchronised swimming team at the 2012 Olympics in London! The shocking n...Read full story
Susan Boyle may put in a bid for Rooney to join her beloved 'Celtic'
It's rumoured that Susan Boyle may put in a bid to outbid Barcelona to get Rooney for her beloved 'Celtic'. True, she has not yet reached the 80 million plus, being offered by Barcelona but it is expected that her 2nd C.D. will bring in over 100 m...Read full story
Rooney Won't Sign New Deal - Can't Write Own Name
Wayne Rooney looks set to leave Manchester United because he will not, or cannot, sign a new deal at the club. The England striker is not thought to be interested in a move away from Old Trafford, but is understood to be physically unable to write...Read full story
UK investigative reporter discovers that male television couch potatoes have been replaced by a group of males known as 'humour site crosswriters.'
Recent studies conducted by England's highly respected Jane Johnson Institute of Journalistic Gender Disorders located in Wolverhampton, West Midlands has discovered a new male dysfunction. This new affliction is unique for several reasons. First...Read full story
FA Wayne Rooney Appeal, "Give Wayne a FIVE match ban!"
FA Headquarters, Wembley, LONDON: Following the shock decision to 'ave our main striker Wayne 'Roonstone' Rooney, banned for three matches after his alleged lashing out at opposition forces, The FA have been deliberating whether to appeal against th...Read full story