Cant Manage This
Ex-England striker, Manchester United forward and convicted drunk driver, Wayne Rooney, has sensationally revealed that he has had “managerial offers” even before he hangs up his boots. The revelations were discovered by Back and to the Left news two...Read full story
Wayne Rooney Questioned About Joining Big Money Spending Russian Outfit, replies 'Who the f***ing hell are they?'
We caught up with Wayne Rooney yesterday, shopping alone on the Manc high street. We initially saw him hiding under a Nike hoodie 37 sizes to small for him (looked like something that'd fit his son Kai), emerging from Bobbers, a hair salon. We shouted his name to try and let onto him. 'Shrek, Shrek!' we screamed. He turned around, saw us, and ran away as quick as he would after looking in...Read full story
Rooney replacement, Gazza, gets "nicked" for possessing drugs!
Sir Alex was hoping to shock the world by firstly flogging R****y (who?) and then asking Gazza to come out of retirement as his replacement!! Initially Sir Alex begged Mon dieu, Messr. Cantona to come back to Utd, lose some weight, train hard and...Read full story
Steven Gerrard And John Terry Don't Deny 'Knowing' Wayne Rooney Hooker Jennifer 'Juicy Jeni' Thompson
As the UK is rocked by yet another scandal involving a footballer and a prostitute, Skoob Sports News elected to send our sports correspondent Donald Skoob (copyright Monkey Woods) out to smell some rats. Following revelations about Wayne Rooney p...Read full story
Football Gossip: Bristol Rovers Bridesmaid, Wayne "Roos" Drink Arrest, Jordan Nobbs Offer, Dyche and The Spoof
New Bristol Rovers manager Graham Coughlan says taking on the job is an "extremely proud moment" after "10 years as a bridesmaid" in other roles. The 44-year-old was appointed as the League One side's new boss on a two-and-a-half-year deal on Sunday,...Read full story
Rooney And McClaren Make Up
Wayne Rooney and England manager Steve McClaren have had a tiff, and it's not about football. They've been arguing about whether or not Rooney's Manchester United team mate Crustiano RetardoRead full story
Andy Murray and Wayne Rooney swap hair
Wayne Rooney has entered the hair transfer market after his implants failed to sprout. The Manchester United footballer has made an audacious bid to buy Andy Murray's hair. Murray had originally offered his hair on a 3 month roll over loan de...Read full story
Queen Elizabeth offers Wayne Rooney a knighthood!
Enter Sir Wayne Rooney, the Queen has decided to give him a knighthood for his devoted services to Queen and country! Elizabeth, now entering a slightly demented phase in her life followed England's misfortunes on the telly against the old enemies...Read full story
Naked Wayne Rooney - Scare tactics
Wayne Rooney is to be pictured on the Manchester United Web Site stark naked in an attempt to intimidate opposing teams it has been revealed.Read full story
Man Utd, Schalke: An Apology
It has come to our attention that there was an inaccuracy in our preview of the European Championship tie between FC Schalke 04 and Manchester United yesterday. Under the headline Manchester United's Wayne Rooney To Be Subject To Schalke Winking C...Read full story
Carlos Tevez to appear alongside Rooney in Shrek 4
The Spoof can exclusively reveal that Manchester United ugly-git Carlos Tevez will appear alongside teammate Wayne "Shrek" Rooney in the forthcoming Shrek 4 movie.Read full story
Parody Week: Rooney Roo
And now, from the hit 60s TV programme Scooby Doo, Masterchev Entertainment presents: Rooney Roo. Rooney Rooney roo where are you? You've got a whore to do now. Rooney Rooney Roo, where are you? Pay up front and come now. come on Rooney Roo, old Man U needs you to start scoring goals, You don't have injuries that we can see, you're slower than Paul Scholes now. You know you've got a p...Read full story
Sir Alec Fergusface to write new book
Not content with writing a tell all book revealing all the secrets from Old Trafford, Sir Alcy 'Guinness' Ferguson has agreed a deal to write YET ANOTHER BOOK. After trashing David Beckham, Roy Keane, Rafa Benitez, Steven Gerrard, Wane Rooney and...Read full story
Wayne Rooney Girls Plan Goodison Stunt
The girls at the centre of the Wayne Rooney scandal plan to make a public appearance at the Everton football ground tomorrow before the game with Manchester Utd. "Juicy" Jenny Thompson and Helen Wood, who allegedly performed a threesome with the M...Read full story
Fuel Price Rises Blamed On Rooney And Giggs Hair Transplants
Britain's leading energy suppliers have warned consumers to expect steep price increases from August this year, possibly by as much as 19% The energy providers have attributed the rises to Wayne Rooney's hair transplant, a situation being further exa...Read full story
No wonder Rooney is using foul language....I felt like yelling a few 'Rooney's myself today
So Rooney's at it again....potty-mouthing. I must admit when I looked at the photos one of today's dailies of MORE 'Ladies' dressed up for Aintree...I saw a picture of his 'glammed-up' mother-in-law' and felt like yelling a few 'Rooney's myself. My gawd...what a putrid, washed out looking 'moo moo' she was wearing. It looked like a faded parachute - similar to the one we used in P.E.Read full story
Rafa moves quickly to dismiss Rooney rumour
Rafa Benitez moved quickly this morning to distance himself with the speculation surrounding a possible move for Salford FC star Wayne Rooney. The speculation seems to have originated in the Spanish media and moved over to England appearing in less w...Read full story
Jennifer Thompson On Screwing Rooney At The Lowry
Oh dear, Wayne, we expected better... So said Skoob News Sports correspondent and part time caretaker, Donald Skoob (copyright Monkey Woods) of Salford University near Portsmouth this morning. "Seems like Wazza's graduated from Granny shagging...Read full story
Wayne Rooney bangs em in, not goals, his over-excited, impatient "dick"!
Wayne Rooney has revealed why he was so miserable in South Africa (it wasn't the vuvuzelas either), he didn't miss Coleen his pregnant wife, he missed his £1K a night Hooker! As the nation waited for Roon to perform in South Africa his mind and hi...Read full story
Wayne Rooney has been named the ugliest player in the World Cup, according to a dating website to which only beautiful people can belong.
"Wayne Rooney has been named the ugliest player in the World Cup, according to a dating website to which only beautiful people can belong". So goes the headline in an online daily newspaper. Who do they think they are? Wayne is, according to many, quite a 'hunk'. The people on the website conducting the poll must never have heard of 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. They're probably a...Read full story