Rooney officially has come out and said that he wants to quit Manchester United.
The overpaid and over-laid Manchester United forward, and former Blueboy, told his boss that he wants to go to "Chelsea".
But not to the club.
Yes, it's 24 year old zookeeper Chelsea Waterstone, who on Saturday nights can be seen punting in Scunthorpe.
The pair met at a nightclub last month following Manchester United's win, and have been happy together ever since.
"i'm looking to leave United to play for Scunthorpe!" Rooney's translator told us proudly after we'd convinced Wayne to read the Nuts magazine in the corner like a good boy. "Wayne especially likes how she's been vajazzled recently. He's very much into the shiny stuff."
Wayne "the Magpie" Rooney will be leaving behind United's trophy cabinet in the pursuit of love again. Leaving Colleen to hold the baby, as well as Sir Alex left holding the baby Macheda.
Rooney will even buy himself out of the contract and give the money to the NHS. Debts expected to be reduced significantly.