Written by SpoofyDoofy

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

image for The Big Match: Chewing Gum Fergie Versus £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza.
£200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza doesn't like chewing gum!!

Old Trafford, Manchester: £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza who has not been loyal to his wife, understandably is not loyal to his football club and now wants a move from Manchester United and Chewing Gum Fergie.

In what has been classic Chewing Gum Fergie behaviour, no one from the Media or the Press has been able to broach the Rooney subject, with the 'R' word pretty much off-limits for those journalists fortunate enough to be invited to interview United staff in recent days. It was suggested that or an interview with United's assistant manager Mike Phelan would be terminated.

In Chewing Gum Fergie style, stare down a problem by putting up the shutters and hope it will go away. It has worked before but it hasn't worked on this occasion, with £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza.

The only thing that looks set to go away now is £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza himself. With just a season-and-a-half left on his current deal, the clock is ticking for Manchester United. Manchester United and Chewing Gum Fergie are under pressure because under FIFA's 'Webster ruling', £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza could buy out the last year of his contract for as little as £5million, or 25,000 packs of Ciggys at £200 per pack, in the Summer.

£200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza has told his Manchester United team-mates that he WILL consider a move from Old Trafford to neighbours Manchester City. £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza is considering the options after telling Chewing Gum Fergie that he will not be extending the 18 months of his current contract.

Real interest has come from Manchester City, who will have to pay £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza £230,000-a-week or 1,150 Ciggy packs-a-week to broker the deal, making him the highest paid player in the Barclays Premier League. United are unlikely to offer more than £150,000 or 750 Ciggy packs-a-week!

The response from Manchester Uniteds followers has been hard:

    "If £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza has uttered his acceptance at joining City, then he must never wear the Red shirt again, Man City make millionaires, Manchester United make Legends."


£200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza is 'determined to go... either now or at the end of his contract' when he would be available on a free transfer. For the Club and Manager Chewing Gum Fergie, these latest developments are little short of a disaster.

Manchewster United have, of course, been here before. Over the past decade there have been similar situations with Jaap Stam, Roy Keane, Beckham and Van Nistelrooy. Now it is £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazzas turn, but this time United and Chewing Gum Fergie are not in control. They could not be preparing to lose him at a more crucial time.

Commentators outside football are in distress;

    "£230,000 per week!! The whole country is in economic melt-down, jobs are in the decline, household bills spiral ever upward but £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza clearly couldn't care less about the fans who pay through the nose for his salary.

    When professional football does finally implode it will be due to the likes of £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza and the Football Clubs who are all too willing to pay him and his like such an unfair, completely over-the-top wage

    And for those of you who are surprised about his latest admission I have a question; If £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza has no remorse for cheating and shaming his entire family, why would you think he would ever show loyalty to his club?"


A Manchester City fan has made the following warning to the City Board;

    "As a City fan NO!NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza is not worth it. £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza has a big attitude problem and I am sorry to say, for the first time in my life I agree with Chewing Gum Fergie, this spoilt brat needs taking down a peg or six.

    Keep an eye on £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazzas weight. A problem which will become more evident in the next couple of years. Great as a fresh 18yr old, past his sell by at 25.


The Big Match is written up as football's Last Conflict. Some will even frame it as the greatest power struggle of Chewing Gum Fergie's career. Chewing Gum Fergie is always on the look-out for players who will carry his own spiritual torch.

Young United Footballers are expected to embrace a team ethic and obey the Chewing Gum Fergie. £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza went along with this for as long as it suited him but reverted to outsider status when his relationship with Chewing Gum Fergie fractured and the scent of a bigger salary wafted past his nose.

The Big Match between Chewing Gum Fergie and £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza has yet to be fully played out. Perhaps a bid from Liverpool and Roy of the Poolers down Anfield Way, might be on the cards? You heard it here first.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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