It is reported, on the wires that a UK nuclear submarine, equipped with every high tech system known to man is grounded on rocks off the Isle of Skye, Western Isles, Scotland.
A source, close to the Ministry of Defence in London, has disclosed that the submarine is carrying two very important persons.
Under orders from the Prime Minister, the submarine, was ordered to collect Wayne Rooney and Sir Alex Ferguson from a secret location near Liverpool and keep them onboard until they settled their differences.
This action was necessary, added the source, because the Prime Minister is desperate to win the 2018 World Cup for England. He does not want negativity and is of the opinion that squabbling in public, will not endear the bid to FIFA members entitled to vote.
The Prime Minister became alarmed when he was advised that Man U fans were surrounding Rooney's place in Cheshire.
"Get him out now" he ordered, "no harm must come to our Wayne. I know he has been a naughty boy and was quite frankly, crap, in South Africa, but he's the best we have and must not be harmed or bullied into moving to Real Madrid. Ferguson and Rooney must sort this out at once."
For reasons of national security, details of the on board clash of Ferguson and Rooney are non existent.
However, a sailor on the submarine was able to inform his mate, via Facebook, that there is a right old battle going on in the torpedo deck. The sailor will be court martialled, along with the Commander of the sub, if and when, the sub is pulled off the rocks.
Prince William, now an air sea rescue helicopter pilot, is standing by ready to lift the twosome off the sub when the subs crew pull them apart and bandage up their many cuts, bruises and broken bones.
Rumours that Fergie has kissed Rooney, in the Glasgow fashion cannot be confirmed.
Colleen, being THE super mare, is travelling to Weston super Mare to open the refurbished pier. Cheryl could not oblige, she had a hair enhancement appointment to keep.