Written by Noshing Mink

Tuesday, 7 September 2010


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image for Andy Coulson hacks into Wayne Rooney's phone - gets a big hard-on
Hello Mr. Rooney, this is BT Conference Calls, I'm puting you through to Trixie, Dixie and Pixie, okay?

Tory Party Director of Hacking allegedly (according to me) and one-time editor of the News of the World Andy Coulson admitted to a committee of MPs how he hacked into football Wayne Rooney's mobile phone, listened to his "love talk" with different women and got such a big hard-on that he couldn't sit down for an hour.

The Home Affairs Select Committee listened with interest as Coulson described blow by blow everything he heard during the illegal tap.

"Rooney was on a conference call with three girls. They were describing what they would do to the footballer and it made me blush. They talked about manipulating parts of their body that even I've never heard of and I had to look up Billy Connolly's Online Dictionary of Filth just to understand what they were saying. Rooney was pretty excited. He knew he was going to score three times that night."

Meanwhile, the Metropolitan Police has threatened to seize the tape of the conversation and listen to it over and over again, to see whether it discloses evidence of a criminal act. A spokesman said "Our team of 10 male detectives each wants to listen to this recording."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Wayne Rooney

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