Written by Skoob1999

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

image for Rooney To Join Ronaldo At Real?
"She's Not Me Nan - She's Me Girlfriend."

Despite continued denials from Manchester United officials to the contrary, the smart money down Sir Matt Busby Way seems to be on baldy Scouse striker Wayne Rooney departing to Real Madrid in the January transfer window.

Insiders say that Sir Alex Ferguson has had enough of Rooney consorting with ladies of the night, smoking fags and pissing up litter bins after a heavy night on the ale.

And when Fergie falls out with a player, it usually indicates the end of the road for the individual concerned at Old Trafford. It's well known that Fergie likes his players to be model professionals, like Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes and Rio Ferdinand (apart from the drug testing bit) and if players fail to match his exacting standards - they're right out the fucking door mate. Don't worry your arse about that.

Anyone in doubt should consult Paul McGrath, Jaap Stam, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, Dwight Yorke, David Beckham or Cristiano Ronaldo. In Fergie's eyes - no individual is bigger than the club.

One insider said that Fergie was so furious and red in the nose about Rooney's continual inndiscretions that he had even considered sacking himself, the bloke who delivers the prawn sandwiches, the tea lady and the bloke who cleans the bogs out in the concourse under the North Stand.

Speaking from a nearby pub, United fan, Jarbo The Killer told Skoob Sports News:

"I think Fergie's right to let Rooney go. There's no point tying him to the club if he doesn't want to be there. He's a fucking Mickey anyway innee. Let him fuck off to Madrid if he wants. Him and that Portuguese show pony will make a lovely couple. And Rooney can get it on with Monica Mint while he's at it. Although why he'd want Peter Crouch's sloppy seconds is a mystery to me."

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
90 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more