According to inside news leaked from Lou Macari's chippy, under fire United striker Wayne Rooney will be staying at Manchester United, but will be farmed out by the club on a twelve month loan deal until the dust settles.
Most probably to Tranmere Rovers.
It's thought that such a move would suit Wayne, Colleen and little Kai down to the ground, as Tranmere are based just across the Mersey from that other place, in Birkenhead.
Rooney is reportedly "yeah, like, made up an dat lar" at the prospect of plying his trade with the Wirral giants, and insiders maintain that it will afford an excellent opportunity for young Kai to reconnect with his Scouse roots by learning how to steal hubcaps.
Colleen is apparently also "made up" at the prospect of the Tranmere move because she's always felt a little bit out of her depth in the oh so sophisticated city of Manchester.
More as we get it.