One of Trump's Most Devoted Supporters Says He Voted For Him Four Times During The Last Presidential Election
LAKE SHIT, Alabama - (Satire News) - GOPicky Magazine reports that they have found Donald Trump's most devoted supporter, a man who voted for his idol a total of four times during the 2020 presidential election. The man named Cordell "Butch" Moons…
Read full storyFlorida's Okefenokee Swamp Has Mosquitoes That Are So Big The Fuckers Are Mating With Sparrows
THE GEORGIA-FLORIDA LINE - (Satire News) - The Atlanta Peach Press has just informed the state health departments of both Georgia and Florida that Okefenokee Swamp rangers are reporting a very interesting situation. Chief Ranger Ryford Shermanwoo…
Read full storyHarry Potter author J.K. Rowling Compared To O.J., Jim Jones, and Benedict Arnold
The creator of Harry Potter is a villain ranked right up there with O.J., Jim Jones, and Benedict Arnold. What thumb-sucking moron could have created that lineup? Why not throw in Adolf Hitler? Lucifer should also be in the running. And then there’s…
Read full storyTrump Is So Damn Nervous About Going To Prison, He Is Only Sleeping 15 Minutes a Night
MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - Trump's son Eric "Goofy" Trump told Fox News reporter Greg "The Rodent" Gutfeld that his daddy is so nervous, so afraid, and so scared of going to Prison that he is only sleeping 15 minutes a night. "Goofy" told "The R…
Read full storySupercomputers Analyze Billion of Christian Prayers over 2,000 years - No Proof They Work
Dr. Eisenstein of The American firm - Peta Flop Computing - as a hobby project - had his supercomputers - Alpha and Omega - check all records of people doing Christian prayer - and if any reported their prayer as immediately being done. They coul…
Read full storyAmerica's Top Porn Star Pretzel Garibaldi Has Signed To Star In "The Unknown Sexy Secret Side of Melania Trump"
HOLLYWOOD - (Satire News) - Hollywood Innuendo has just broken the story that one of the nation's top porn actreses, Pretzel Garibaldi will be appearing in a new X-rated adult film titled, "The Unknown Sexy Secret Side of Melania Trump." The film…
Read full storyTom Brady Wants To Buy The New England Patriots
FOXBOROUGH, Massachusetts - (Sports Satire) - Word coming out of PatsLand is that their former super quarterback Tom Brady has expressed an interest in buying the legendary NFL football team. Brady, who played for the Patriots for 20 seasons said…
Read full storyThere are 5,000 Satellites In Earth Orbit - Just Shoot a Bunch Up - or Have a Plan?
There are two ways to handle things in Life, just do it - or have a Plan. The second one works better most of the time. On Earth - most of the scientifically advanced nations think the best way to launch space satellites is Just do it. Shoo…
Read full storyRiver run, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay
The rivers of Europe are drying up. No more river cruises. Ships still need water to ship, so without water the ship can’t ship, so no more shipping. Got a kayak, a canoe, a speedboat, a Jet-ski, a pair of flippers and a mask and snorkel? Throw them…
Read full storyKFC Closes All of Their Restaurants in Cambodia Due To The Dreaded Cambodian Chicken Mite Infestation
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - (Satire News) - Word coming out of the jungle country of Cambodia is that KFC has shut down every one of their 36 fast food restaurants. The reason according to WHO (World Health Organization) is because the Asian country ha…
Read full storyBoris is Movin’ the Party to Greece, Bitches!
Boris the spider is in Greece, shopping for groceries. Hello, Boris, on a vacation after no longer being the Prime Minister of Britain … wait, sorry, how does that work? The League of Greek Bag Boys and Shopping Cart Wranglers were hot on Boris’ t…
Read full storyThe Real Midge Behind the Gazpacho
Marjorie Taylor Greene wants to clear up some misperceptions of things she has said and done, since she doesn’t like people thinking that she’s scum. When she was invited to be the guest speaker at that Nazi meeting … okay, so what people didn’t u…
Read full storyThe FBI Reports That They Discovered The Highly Classified Blueprints To a State-of-The-Art American Aircraft Carrier In Trump's Sock Drawer
MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - With each new day, more and more secrets are coming out from the FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago. Woody Velcro, a star reporter with The Washington Window Tribune reported that FBI agents along with members of The Green Berets…
Read full storyMilk, Milk, Lemonade …
Now that rainwater is pure poison due to evil chemicals we humans have shot into the clouds and which rain down all over the globe, and which do not break down in nature – instead, they destroy nature, yay! – what can human beings safely drink? Sc…
Read full storyThe Putin Deluxe Looooong Desk
Are you a paranoid dictator who hates people who hate him, and want to keep them at arm’s length? Or maybe you have a slight case of germaphobia and don’t want your filthy guests getting their diseases and viruses on you. Or perhaps when you ha…
Read full storyGoombalini Family Boss Salvatore Goombalini Says His Family Could Buy Trump Just From The Money In The Family's Petty Cash Fund
BROOKLYN, New York - (Satire News) - Mob boss Salvatore Goombalini told reporter Carmine Catalino, with The New York Sunshine Observer that The Whoremonger aka Donald Trump, is not as rich as he brags he is. Goombalini stated that his "Family" cou…
Read full storyMcDonalds Is Replacing Their Restaurant Playgrounds With Water Slides
CHICAGO - (Satire News) - The biggest hamburger franchise in the entire world has just announced a new restaurant change. According to American Foodie News Agency reporter Paloma Sonoma, the Golden Arches giant is going to be doing away with all o…
Read full storyA Mar-a-Lago Maid Says Trump Tried To Grab Her Pussy - But She Kicked The Perv In His Baby Balls
MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - A reporter with The Lighhouse Press News Agency, Skippy Viperwater is reporting that a Mar-a-Lago employee talked to him and informed him that The Trumpturd groped her and tried to touch her pussy. Viperwater asked the…
Read full storyThe Mar-a-Lago Raid By The FBI Found The Secret Code Box To Launch Missiles In Trump's Master Bedroom
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - An FBI insider who participated on the raid at Mar-a-Lago said that it is positively astounding the amount of illegal shit that was found in The Trumptwat's complex. The agent who uses the code name Marshal Dillo…
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