WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - An FBI insider who participated on the raid at Mar-a-Lago said that it is positively astounding the amount of illegal shit that was found in The Trumptwat's complex.
The agent who uses the code name Marshal Dillon, said that Trump is really and truly in one hell of a pickle, as they say in Kentucky.
Marshal Dillon revealed that he personally came across the highly classified Secret Code Box, used to launch missiles, which was sitting in Trump's master bedroom.
A former Federal prosecutor remarked that, having the Missile Launching Code Box in his possession alone could end up getting Trump charged with treason, espionage, and cavorting with the enemy.
The ex-prosecutor noted that the former Golfer-in-Chief will definitely go to prison and he will never again set foot on the golf course again.
SIDENOTE: Trump reportedly told his only media friend, Greg "The Rodent" Gutfeld, that the code numbers were not the missile launching codes, but the numbers to a locked storage unit where he hides his vodka.
