River run, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Sunday, 14 August 2022

image for River run, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay
Drink and Be Merry For Tomorrow We All Eat Salt

The rivers of Europe are drying up. No more river cruises. Ships still need water to ship, so without water the ship can’t ship, so no more shipping. Got a kayak, a canoe, a speedboat, a Jet-ski, a pair of flippers and a mask and snorkel? Throw them all away!

But wait, there’s good news!

Soon all the ruins of past European civilizations will be revealed in all their coral encrusted glory. The past will return to the present, and the present won’t exist at all!

See Napoleon and Hitler and the Mongol Hordes and Roman Emperors and Vlad the Impaler’s lost victims, and King Arthur and Merlin playing chess while frozen in salt and silt with sea anemones crawling all over them.

The sea buries all! The sea holds all secrets! (Just look at the drying up of certain lakes in the US, where the mafia hid all their old squealers and card sharks and nosey parkers who needed to learn a lesson in the deserts of Nevada).

All those Euro dictators and Czars and Popes and Kings/Queens/Knaves over the centuries will now have all their lies and corpses exposed for all the world to see. Of course, even a mad man who is hated by all can find peace after a century or two when people forget about him and his crimes against humanity, and he just becomes a tiny footnote in history. All that rule and murder for a footnote? History is just not fair.

Those who write history books are excited with the ebbing of the rivers. Did Columbus actually ‘discover’ the Americas, or was it Irish monks or the Chinese or aliens from Venus? Time and Climate Change and everything getting and staying hot hot hot will expose all!

If you’re a treasure hunter, you might want to buy some rubber boots/Wellies, since you too could be king if you find a lucky crown half-buried in the dregs of the Danube.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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