Government pandemic plans left in minister's office
The UK government has finally found the root cause of the coronavirus planning team's inadequate response. A junior minister accidentally left behind the detailed strategy document in his office, after the entire Department of Health was ordered to w...
Read full storyExtraordinary measure ordered: COVID-19 patients released to curb social gatherings
President Trump has urged young Americans to heed the advice to socially distance and avoid large crowds, but masses have flocked to beaches for spring break. In an earlier statement about young people, Trump said that "they're feeling invincible, bu...
Read full storySpider doctors working round the clock to help coronavirus victims
As global deaths continue to rise, human doctors and nurses are increasingly putting themselves at risk of catching the disease and spreading it unintentionally. Many of them operate with little or no protection, and the government is not helping the...
Read full storyA Woman Veep For Joe Biden?
A woman vice president for Joe Biden? The first pick should be Judy Dench. She was excellent as 007’s boss, and let Ralph Fiennes have it with both barrels. However, she isn’t a US citizen or in politics, although she looks presidential. Biden ind...
Read full storyTrump’s COVID-19 Test Came Back Positive For Stupidity
WASHINGTON, D.C. – An unnamed White House source who saw the test results, said that President Trump’s C-19 test came back positive for stupidity. The source said that, on a range of 1 to 90, with 90 being as stupid as a porcupine chasing its own...
Read full storyThe U.S. Airlines Are Now Asking The American Taxpayers To Give Them a C-19 Bailout Package
CHICAGO – Every airline in America is starting to really get extremely concerned with the fact that ticket sales have dropped by 71%. And, right away, they are crying to Uncle Sam (aka Donald Trump) and asking him for a Coronavirus Aid Package Bai...
Read full storyFrance at war against coronavirus
France will spend 45 billion euros to help prostitutes with the coronavirus outbreak, the country’s finance minister announced on Tuesday, after President Emmanuel Macron declared “we are at war” against the virus, and ordered citizens to remain home...
Read full storyDyslexic man contracts new virus
A Hull man has been struck down with a new strain of coronavirus after working in Thailand. Tatty Mullett, 56 was stood nearby an 81-year-old carrier of the deadly SARS-like infection. Officials have confirmed the man caught the virus after his...
Read full storyNashville Man Secretly Suspects Friend of Having COVID-19
After his longtime pal Lance Wilson, unexpectedly bailed on their weekly poker game, and, several days later, was heard coughing, Ned Hanson of Nashville, Tennessee, put two and two together, and came up with ... coronavirus. “I’m not one to judg...
Read full storyFrench Officials Fear That the Eiffel Tower May Have To Be Destroyed Because It Has Become Infected With The Coronavirus
PARIS – French officials with the Parisian Health Commission (PHC) have informed the mayor of Paris that they have discovered traces of the C-19 located in several parts of the Eiffel Tower. Gaspard du Croissant, the vice-director of the PHC, emph...
Read full storyPeople Are Already Lining Up Outside The White House To Get Their $1,000 Coronavirus Checks
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The director of National Financial Subsidy Payments has said that the government is ready to start handing out the $1,000 CD-19 subsidy payments to every adult in the USA. Hank Weathermaker stressed that the money will, at first...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Why Tom Brady Left The New England Patriots For The Tampa Bay Buccaneers
BOSTON – One of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play in the NFL is saying goodbye to the team he has led for 20 years. Tom Brady spoke with Hercules Confetti of Sporting Chance Magazine. The six-time Super Bowl champ was asked if he had a proble...
Read full storyAnti-Coronavirus Dog Collars Available To Public From Friday
Retailers in the UK say that a human version of the protective Elizabethan Collar worn by dogs to stop them licking, biting or scratching themselves, will be on sale in clothing stores later this week. The collars, which make dogs look like they h...
Read full storyMan Read 'The Purple Cloud' By M.P. Shiel, And Stared To Get A Bit Frightened
A man has told about how he read the 1901 classic science fiction novel, 'The Purple Cloud' by the British writer, M.P. Shiel, and, having finished it, started to become very afraid, indeed. The story is one of a man, Adam Jeffson, who is a member...
Read full storyCoronavirus Can Now Mutate Into Donald Trump Lookalike
The World Health Organization, WHO, has made an alarming discovery concerning COVID 19. It appears the virus can now change the appearance of infected people, so that they mutate into Donald Trump lookalikes. Not only do they become Donald Trump cl...
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