People Are Already Lining Up Outside The White House To Get Their $1,000 Coronavirus Checks

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 18 March 2020

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Thirty minutes after the C-19 cash allotment was announced the line in front of the White House stretched for 9 city blocks.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The director of National Financial Subsidy Payments has said that the government is ready to start handing out the $1,000 CD-19 subsidy payments to every adult in the USA.

Hank Weathermaker stressed that the money will, at first, be given out on a 'first come, first served' basis, and then, after six days or so, those who did not receive their government gift will have the money mailed to their home, apartment, or trailer.

Weathermaker was asked if the monetary gift will be in the form of a check. He replied, “No, the president and Ivanka decided that the generous gift will be in cash.”

He quickly pointed out that, this way, nobody will have to worry about going to the bank and having to show a driver's license or a Visa Card in order to cash their check.

One person who was standing in line was heard to say, “Alright! Now I don’t have to go into my savings to get money for my drinking problem, I mean habit, my drinking habit.”

Another individual remarked, “Thank goodness, I’ll now be able to pay off my gambling debt, and not have to worry about getting my legs broken by a member of the Goombalini family."*

Mr. Weathermaker was asked if Republicans who are millionaires and billionaires are also going to be receiving the $1,000 in cash.

He grinned, and said, “That would be a 'yes'. Everyone will get the cash money - even Michael Bloomberg and Oprah Winfrey.”

A reporter with the Baltimore Implier-Journal asked, “Even Trump?” And he replied, “Yes, in fact Donald, Melania, Ivanka, and Kellyanne Conway were the first four U.S. citizens to get the $1,000 stimulus cash allotment."

*The Salvatore Goombalini Crime Family, based in Brooklyn, New York, is one of the most notorious crime families in the nation.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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