The End Of The World Is Nigh

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 18 March 2020

image for The End Of The World Is Nigh
The situation where YOU are (artist's impression)

It's been announced that the end of the world is nigh, and that, from Friday night at 11pm, all electricity, gas, and water supplies around the world will be disconnected.

At the heart of the matter is the Coronavirus, airborne bacteria that cause extreme respiratory problems, occasionally resulting in death, but, most often, just in sniffles and a cough. Maybe a headache.

In desperate attempts to delay the spread of the virus until a vaccine has been developed, many events that attracted mass gatherings of people have been cancelled, and many infrastructure organisations and services closed. These include:


The entire Football schedule throughout Europe
The NBA basketball schedule
The US Masters Golf
The Tokyo Olympic Games
The Formula One Motor Racing schedule


The US Presidential Election in November
Sensible government decisions of any kind


No further explanation necessary


Schools, colleges, and universities


All shops, stores and supermarkets. Even 7Elevens


All bus, train, air and sea services

To boot, electricity, gas, and water supplies will cease, and all hospitals will close. There will be no assistance available, should you become ill.

Please do not leave your homes. If anyone is discovered outdoors, they will be shot by a special Genocide Squad.

Government advice is that you should finish reading this message, make yourself a cup of strong cocoa, go to bed, and stay there, indefinitely.

Remember to pull the covers up right over your head.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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