Police close to catching The Ripper
London police have announced that they are close to catching Jack "the Ripper", a notorious serial killer who slew five prostitutes in the East End in the 1880s. Using new DNA analysis and forensic techniques, they have made progress in their hunt fo…
Read full storyThe Sword Of A Thousand Cuts
UK Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, has admitted that there will be “tough choices” to be made over public financing. This coupled with the last ten years of austerity should be music to the ears of those in Northern England who voted to put these cunts in p…
Read full storyBox Set Britain’s got Box Set Stress - can ‘The Science’ help?
MP’s concerned about box set bingeing are considering a ‘Box Set Bank Holiday’ so people can catch up. Is ‘Box Set Stress’ a real thing, or is it just an excuse to slob around the house all day? Brenda O’Lox who runs a Box Set Stress support group…
Read full storyCoronation Street Set To Continue
There was good news for fans of Granada TV soap drama 'Coronation Street' today, when it was confirmed by bosses at ITV that the show will continue to be shown for as long as they can possibly get away with it. Corrie, as it's known to viewers, wa…
Read full storyPresident Trump Scratches His Knackers
In news that some will find somewhat offensive, and others might regard as 'uncouth', it's been reported that US president, Donald Trump, scratched his testicles this morning. Trump, whose every move is monitored by the media, then scrutinized and…
Read full storyStories About Nothing Still Popular
A writer on a satirical news website has said that, contrary to popular belief - which is that people want to read about politicians, celebrities, and overpaid spirts stars - many people are happy to spend their time reading about nothing. The c…
Read full storyHarry Potter’s stunt pubic wig reveals all and comes clean
This November is the tenth anniversary of ‘Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows’ and rumours of a re-released directors cut restoring Harry’s shower scene have got Potter bloggers throbbing with excitement. ‘In this film Harry’s an adult,’ said D…
Read full storyVolunteer For The Vaccine
Prominent scientists have called for volunteers to be purposely infected with Covid-19 in an attempt to speed up the search for a vaccine. This has caused an outcry from many leading Conservative politicians who have pointed out that their hopeless h…
Read full storyPeople noticed tramp during UK lockdown!
Seeing is believing, and lockdown for many means seeing things that one never noticed before. Normally, crowded shopping zones are filled with trendy, swinging designer shopping bags, with the carriers hoping to be noticed by others to boost their sa…
Read full storyThe LPGA Will Resume With All The Lady Golfers Wearing The Medically Mandated Shocking Pink Teddies
DUBLIN, Ohio - LPGA Commissioner, Mike Whan, has said that golf balls will soon be flying, as he has approved the Ladies Professional Golfers Association season to officially begin. He stated that the organization will have several new policy chan…
Read full storyPresident Trump’s Hair Morphs From Pumpkin Orange to Battleship Gray
WASHINGTON, D.C. – When President Trump stepped out onto the White House lawn, he was greeted with a lot of raised eyebrows. Many of the reporters could be seen softly giggling, and one, CNN’s Jim Acosta, even pointed at Trump’s new gray-colored p…
Read full storyThe Golden State Warriors Promise Their Devoted Fans That Their Nickname Will Soon be History
OAKLAND, California – Many political and sports enthusiasts will agree that the city of Oakland probably has more protesters than any other city in the entire nation. In fact, the city council recently adopted a new city slogan: Come to Oakland, W…
Read full storyMelania Trump Has Just Agreed to Do a 2021 Daisy Duke’s Short Shorts Calendar
NEW YORK CITY – The First Lady, who was a model before she was snatched up by Donald Trump, recently met with Mature Woman Magazine. The magazine caters to females who are 40 and over. Melly recently turned 50, but looks 40, especially when she is…
Read full storyThe Houston Astros Have Decided To Change Their Uniform Colors
HOUSTON – The Astros organization recently told The Sports Mirror, they feel they've finally fallen back into the good graces with their fans, their non-fans, and the umpires union. An Astros spokesperson stated that the owner, John “Whooping” Cra…
Read full storyThe Belmont Stakes Winner, Tiz The Law, Who Had Been Missing, Has Now Been Found
ORLANDO, Florida – The winner of this year’s Belmont Stakes, Tiz The Law, has been found safe and sound. The fabulous racehorse was found by a high-profile private investigator who deals in equestrian matters, as well as in clandestine operations…
Read full storyHull City Tea Lady Given The Boot
Calls for the sacking of Hull City boss, Grant McCann, seem to have gone unheeded in the wake of the team's embarrassing 8-0 drubbing at the hands of Wigan Athletic on Tuesday night, but there was a rapid response in another direction, when Maureen t…
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