Volunteer For The Vaccine

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Thursday, 16 July 2020

image for Volunteer For The Vaccine
Trumps a nonce

Prominent scientists have called for volunteers to be purposely infected with Covid-19 in an attempt to speed up the search for a vaccine. This has caused an outcry from many leading Conservative politicians who have pointed out that their hopeless handling of the Covid crisis has already infect hundreds of thousands with some saying:

What more can we do?

Front bench Conservatives are furious at the suggestion that their methods haven’t created enough victims and are now putting committees together to decide how best to disband science as a whole.

MP Desmond Swayne, who looks like he has a pack of cockroaches writhing just underneath his skin, said:

It’s a disgrace that “science” has popped it’s head above the parapet again and suggests that fearless Boris hasn’t done enough to help the virus. For Gods sake the man started clapping for the NHS instead of supplying them PPE what more does this nation want?

He burped and a cloud of fly’s left his mouth, circled his head before burrowing their way into the soft eyes of one of is aids. It wasn’t the first time we’d experienced this action whilst talking to a MP but it still unnerved us.

Health Secretary Matt Hancock was incandescent with rage. He grabbed us by our collars and screamed directly into our faces (incidentally this was also why he was on “Pub Watch” in Nottingham):

Fuck you!

It was a good start. He continued

I have done everything I can to promote this virus. I kept Cheltenham open for fucks sake. I counted individual fingers on gloves as pieces of PPE. I ignored social distancing rules and I supported that mad cunt Cummings eye test story. I am aghast that all of this hasn’t created enough virus victims and “science” is telling us they need more volunteers. We need to go back to a time of shamans and wise women all these Drs and scientists just muddy the waters.

He dropped us and in a single leap cleared a nearby bungalow whilst simultaneously catching a raven in his jaws. Feeling a tug on our sleeve we turned to see Chris Grayling stood there. He looked sheepish:

Grayling said

I’m just happy to be here.

We know Chris. We know.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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