The Sword Of A Thousand Cuts

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Thursday, 16 July 2020

image for The Sword Of A Thousand Cuts
There's a fine line between looking "coy" and looking like you're apologizing for a fart

UK Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, has admitted that there will be “tough choices” to be made over public financing. This coupled with the last ten years of austerity should be music to the ears of those in Northern England who voted to put these cunts in power.

Rishi, who is only the most likeable member of the cabinet, because we know fuck all about him, has promised to act in a way that will benefit common people. Providing those common people own huge businesses and donate heavily to the Conservative Party.

Rishi said:

"We’ll be looking into making massive savings later on in our reign of terror. The good thing is that we’ve got really good at cutting essential services over the last ten years, and I believe that we will be able to implement billions of pounds worth of cuts within weeks if we want to."

As he spoke, he drew a great sparkling sword, wreathed in flame. It seemed to scream as if there were souls trapped within its steel. It had drunk deep on the screams of the anguished. Those whose life blood funding had been cut at the throat had added their pain to its weight, and now it glowered a hateful presence at all in the room. Sunak smiled like many Conservative Chancellors had done before him. The time of the cuts was nearly upon us once more and he would anoint his blade in blood again.

We looked around at the compliant journalists bearing their throats in eager readiness, hoping theirs would be the first to go. They applauded as Sunak praised the care workers he had just voted to charge for parking at their own jobs. And, as they rose to leave as one, ready to write their think pieces claiming how this was the new caring face of Conservatism, one of their number was beckoned into a back room. Sunak smiled as the journalist was led away towards Cummings. For it was time to feed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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