DUBLIN, Ohio - LPGA Commissioner, Mike Whan, has said that golf balls will soon be flying, as he has approved the Ladies Professional Golfers Association season to officially begin.
He stated that the organization will have several new policy changes that the ladies will have to adhere to.
The main one is that all lady golfers, in order to have a uniform playing field, will be required to wear the exact same shocking pink LPGA-sanctioned teddy.
Players and caddies will have to have their saliva tested after every three holes.
Whan noted that any golfer who sneezes, coughs, or burps will be immediately disqualified. He pointed out that these particular violations could also result in a hefty fine.
The commissioner remarked that no golfer will be allowed to wear a medical mask with the likeness of President Trump, Vice-President Biden, or General Robert E. Lee.
Also, any golfer or caddy who tests positive prior to teeing off, will be escorted to the nearest 24-hour medical clinic, by force if necessary.
And finally, the commissioner stated that caddies will not be allowed to speak at all. Unless, of course it’s for a life-threatening reason.