Crime And Punishment By Dostoevsky Could Have Been 200 Pages Shorter, Says Man
A man who read the literary classic, 'Crime and Punishment' by Russian author, Fyodor Dostoevsky, says he enjoyed the book, but that, in his humble opinion, it was "a bit wordy", and could, easily, have been 200 pages shorter. Moys Kenwood, 57, re…
Read full storyHouse Of Trump Is Being Ditched
Like rotten fruit, the house of Trump is full of fruit flies like William Barr, Mike Flynn, Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, Jared, the wife, the blah, and the blah. The whole bucket is being ditched to the side of the road. Republicans are going to du…
Read full story‘Vegans taste good. Organic Vegans Taste Better’ claim modern Eco-Friendly Cannibals
Modern cannibalism in this country is under threat due to a small number of old school cannibals eating non-vegans. ‘The public is oblivious to the destructive elements within our movement,’ said Brenda O’Lox from the Nice Cannibals Alliance. ‘Eat…
Read full storyMandatory face masks in shops causes concern - ‘What’s the problem?’ said Robbie the Robber
Boris Johnson is concerned that his message for everyone to wear masks in shops, banks and post offices may be taken advantage of. ‘Business has been slow,’ said Robbie the Robber, ‘but this idea of Boris’, everyone wearing masks, is great, as no…
Read full storyNew sport at Olympics
The next Olympic Games will feature a new sport: masked nude high jump. Athletes will be expected to traverse the high bar fully naked save for a medical mask, ruled compulsory due to anti COVID-19 conditions. If an athlete is caught not wearing…
Read full storyHuddersfield Town's shocking secret
Since a brief spell in the Premier League in 2017, Huddersfield Town have performed atrociously. They are at risk of slipping into the third tier of English football, the optimistically named Division One. Fans largely agree about why the club has…
Read full storyRoger Stone Has Just Become The Luckiest Man in America Thanks To President Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The man who many say knows dozens of sneaky, underhanded things that President Trump has done will not be going to prison, after all. In yet another presidential pardon, King Donald the 1st, has just given Roger Stone a 'get out…
Read full storyA Scientist Has Discovered That Cicadas Have Been Sent From Outer Space in Order To Irritate The Citizens of Earth
BOSTON – One of the most respected entomologists in the country has just made an amazing discovery. Dr. Kamayaki Susu, who is the head of the Boston College School of Entomology, stated that he has been studying cicadas for 41 years. He express…
Read full storyVandals Take Down a Statue of Donald Duck
ALBUQUERQUE, New Mexico – The Albuquerque Police Department reported that overnight vandals stole the 13-foot tall statue of Disney character, Donald Duck. Police are checking surveillance video, and hope to catch the duck vandal or vandals. Po…
Read full storyMaria Sharapova and John McEnroe To Meet In a Tennis Match
NEW YORK CITY – Plans are underway to have a benefit tennis match in New York City, between two of the tennis world’s greatest players. Maria Sharapova, who is considered the prettiest, sexiest, and best lasagne-maker to ever swing a racket, has a…
Read full storyUCLA Won't Start 2020 Football Season 0-3 for Third Consecutive Year
Westwood Village, CA. A Spoof SOS - Spoof On Sports. After two consecutive 0-3 starts, which led to two consecutive 4-8 seasons, the UCLA Bruins have found a way to avoid a third consecutive 0-3 start against unheralded non-conference teams. The…
Read full storyHistorical Experts Predict That Within a Year There Won't Be a Single Statue Left Anywhere in the USA
CHICAGO – Historical experts are really concerned that the way that statues are being torn down and taken down, it won’t be too long before the nation’s statues are all gone. They noted that out of 27 statues of Confederate General Robert E. Lee,…
Read full storyClaudia Conway to Write a Tell-All Book About President Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The daughter of Kellyanne and George Conway has just signed a multi-million dollar deal, for a tell-all-book on President Trump. The tentative title is "Donald J. Trump Bounced Me On His Knee Way Too Many Times". Claudia has…
Read full story“I Didn’t Rat Out Trump”
On receiving a White House pardon from Donald Trump, Roger Stone issued his thanks by announcing, “I didn’t rat out Donald Trump.” This means that Mr. Stone did, indeed, have incriminating evidence against Donald Trump, and, if Mr. Stone had so te…
Read full storyCanada Masks Up For Hockey
Toronto, CANADA (a country north of the USA) In Canada today, news came that every man, woman and dog within its borders has been nervously waiting for—the long drought is over—hockey will soon begin again! Yes, there is a God! If the good folks…
Read full storyMan Had Friends Who Laughed At French Word 'Fatigué'
It's a well-known fact that an overwhelming proportion - perhaps as much as 95% - of the modern-day Englsh language has its roots in French, but one man recalled, today, how his school chums laughed themselves silly at the mere mention of the French…
Read full storyDonald Trump Says Schools Must Reopen
Donald Trump is the same guy who had his sister do his homework, and a friend take his SAT exams. During the 2016 election, he had Vladimir Putin heave him over the Electoral College vote count to get him into the White House. Trump even cheated on h…
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