Toronto, CANADA (a country north of the USA) In Canada today, news came that every man, woman and dog within its borders has been nervously waiting for—the long drought is over—hockey will soon begin again!
Yes, there is a God! If the good folks of Canada can keep the Corona Virus under control, the remainder of the season will be played out in Edmonton and Toronto.
Well the carrot on the stick was working wonders already!
Stores and malls immediately closed, buses and trains stopped running on the spot, people strapped on their masks and bolted for their homes and igloos, locking the doors and closing the blinds, yelling 'We'll be good, we promise!' as they fled.
The only people left on the streets of Canada's biggest city were 3 homeless men and a mailman. We talked to the mailman.
"People just ran for it when they heard the news, eh," said Gary 'Nuk Tuk' Parsons, a half-inuit, half French Canadian letter carrier, who seemed to have the city's downtown pretty much to himself. "If we can keep the Corona down, they'll give us our hockey back!" He said with glee, as he searched an abandoned briefcase left in the exodus.
"And if we're really good, we get curling back as a bonus! Can you believe that?"
"Hockey and Curling!" he screamed with cupped hands down the empty streets, pocketing a expensive looking pen from the briefcase.
Then our mailman, Nuk Tuk, eyed us up and down suspiciously, asking where exactly we were from?
When we told him we were from New York, he freaked out. "Get out of our country you no good, Corona-carrying Yankee bastards!" He screamed, waking up the homeless guys.
Then the beating started. They beat on us like we were the San Jose Sharks.
Trapped in a headlock by drunken (but masked) homeless men and being repeatedly kicked in the nuts by our half-eskimo postie, we discovered just how serious our neighbors to the north are about their hockey.
"Now say it: The Leafs win the Cup! The Leafs Win The Cup! You Yankee scum!"
"Now get outta here... and take your stupid NBA World Champion trophy with you. We don't want it!"