Pope Benedict XVI is crying because he never had a woman
ITALIAN LOONY FARM - Pope Benedict XVI said he is sad because he never married and he never had sex with a woman. Benedict says people in Italy are laughing at him because they had sex with dozens of beautiful people in their youth and they enjoy...
Read full storyBon voyage to Wales
The UK were shocked this evening to discover Wales missing. Apparently two Tory MPs had been picnicking and drank rather too much ginger beer when they thought they would "Give the Welshies a taste of independence" and taking a saw they severed the...
Read full storyPaxo makes gains, Fry falls, on National Treasure Index
Business news - and there have been spectacular falls on the National Treasures Index today, with Both Stephen Fry and Alan Davies closing down. Both stocks falling a unprecedented 10W (Whiteleys) as a result of off-colour jokes made about the Japane...
Read full storyMubarak will only step down if he is mummified
Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak has agreed to step down, but only if he gets a Pharaoh's burial upon his death. "Mubarak basically said," said Khola Khoka, minister for the exterior, "we could have a new president over his dead body." Work has...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Suing Sarah Palin Claiming Her Recent Alaskan Camping Trip Left Her Extremely Traumatized
READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin star of Kate Plus 8, and formerly of Jon and Kate Plus 8 has confided to Tittle Tattle Tonight that because of her horrible Alaskan camping trip experience she finds that she has become extremely traumatized.
Read full story"What Harm Can Leaving a Light Bulb On Do?" Ponder Millions
EARTH - Wanting to wonder our of his bathroom is Neil Fairbanks. He has left the light on, and shrugs and says that 'it's only one light bulb'. Nearly 2 billion people were thinking the exact same thing. "It's no biggie," said New Yorker, Sheil...
Read full storyGeorge Michael Commemorates Jail Time
Following his short spell in Highpoint Prison, Suffolk last October - after crashing his car while under the influence of cannabis - troubled rock star George Michael has decided to release new versions of old hits to commemorate the event. The proceeds of the album will go to a new charity called Burned Out, which offers support to entertainers who have fallen on hard times or otherwise can't...
Read full storyEngland Cricketer Flies Home to let in Gas Man
New baby about to arrive? An injury requiring treatment or maybe just homesick? All these reasons have meant players flying home from England cricket tours recently. But as the trickle of departing players from England's successful Ashes tour ha...
Read full storyJacko Doctor Saves Sick Passenger
The doctor accused of giving a fatal dose of anaesthetic to Michael Jackson has come to the rescue of a woman who fell unconscious on a plane. Dr Conrad Murray responded when cabin crew asked if a doctor was on board a US Airways flight, US media...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Demands That George Clooney Apologize For Calling Her Kids, "A Pack of Brats"
LAKE CHARLES, Louisiana - Brad Pitt is currently in New Orleans filming the latest in the Indian Jones adventure series of films entitled, Indiana Jones - The Search For The Alternative Life Style. The film also stars Harrison Ford, Neil Patrick H...
Read full story"What the Cleaner Saw " - New Lead in Jo Yeates Enquiry
A fresh lead has come to light in the Yeates enquiry. The daily cleaning lady has come up with fresh revelations. Thirty Six year old Dorothy Blake has been a cleaner at 46 Cannynge Road for the past eight years. Hard-working mother of two Dorothy knows the inside of the Cannynge Road mansion like the back of her hand. Dorothy goes to clean at the upmarket Cannynge Road mansion house twice...
Read full storyOmar Sharif Bids 7 No Trump: Takes all Tricks to Head up New Egyptian Government!
Ageing icon, female heart throb , and famous contract bridge player Omar Sharif played the final card on his gutsy 7 No Trump Bid to become the new President of Egypt as a breathless world looked on in amazement! With his beloved country in dis...
Read full storyCheryl Cole becomes a Goth!
Yesterday, Cheryl Cole announced that she will no longer be the sweet Geordie girl we all know and love, she has gone goth. So far in her trek to the dark side, Cheryl has dyed her hair dark green and binned all her false eyelashes and brightly colo...
Read full storyFussbudgets Slam Flibbertigibbets in Fossdale Flapdoodle
Upper Fossdale was thrown in an uproar when fussbidgets slammed flibbertigibbets this week. The event is blossoming into a flapdoodle of shambolic proportions, said Vice Adjudicator Reinhold Gobschoddle. The affair was preceded by a dollop of bric-a-...
Read full storyThe Reason Why Teen Idols Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato Refused To Appear In The Movie "The Little Fockers"
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Demi Lovato was being interviewed about her recent three month stay at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic when she revealed to Bedroom Pillow Talks Summersetter Faxx that she had been offered the role of Gaylord "Greg" Focker's y...
Read full story1959 vs 2011 Menu Prices
Out of plain, unguided, vague interest, Dense Inchcock, our ancient, decrepit Spoof Gazette Columis... Clomuni... Colamist... Writer, has been out with his notebook, 1959 Menu from Fred's Cafe, of Grotty End Road Nottingham, pen, and 20p expenses - to check the difference in similar items on the menu, to todays prices. For ease of comparing, the 1959 prices have been converted to the biggest c...
Read full storyStill No Conspiracy Theory in Singer's Death
This April will mark the ninth anniversary of the death of Alice in Chains singer Layne Staley. Yet, almost a decade after the sad event, no conspiracy theory has been put forth to explain the vocalist's demise. According to Kyle Starbuck, a mus...
Read full storyGlenn Beck: "Your God is a Fraud! Frank Morgan is God!"
As Glenn Back started his TV program yesterday afternoon, his producers scrambled to get to a computer and google, Frank Morgan. Beck had started his program with the following statement: "Your God is a fraud! Frank Morgan is God!" The producers quic...
Read full storyGreat Pyramid and Sphinx Stolen
Taking advantage of social unrest sweeping the nation thieves in Cairo made off with two of Egypt's most famous landmarks yesterday, the Great Pyramid of Giza and the Sphinx. How the thieves absconded with the two colossal landmarks in broad dayli...
Read full storyDr. Phil Tells Chelsea Clinton: Little Girl You Just Wasted $4 Million of Your Dad and Mom's Money!
DURANGO, Colorado - Dr. Phil was in Durango attending a convention at the Durango Convention Center and Cosmetology College. He was addressing The Officially Licensed Marriage Counselors and Marital Therapists of Colorado. Dr. Phil McGraw, whic...
Read full storyMuslim Brotherhood's Jihad on Great Lakes Nuclear Waste Shipping
The past exists only in our memories and the future exists only in our imaginations. The only time that exists is now. Discuss. According to this theory the future does not exist. Yesterday today existed only in our imaginations. In other words yesterday today didn't exist. Yesterday today didn't exist, yet. If this philosophical dribble has your brain tied up in knots, wait until the Mus...
Read full storyThe Flatulent Muslim
This has never happened to me before, but this day, Friday, 4th February 2011 would be etched in my memory forever and ever. I was amongst the thousands upon thousands (not exactly the one million expected!) Of fellow Muslims in the square in Cairo, for Friday prayers. We took our shoes off and prostrated ourselves towards Mecca, I had the misfortune to be behind a flatulent worshipper. This wa...
Read full storyJohn Bercow Forced to Apologize for Striking Ed Miliband Ater Seeing Him Licking His Lips Over Wife's Nude Sheet Shoot!
Petite speaker John Bercow, 5'3', was forced to apologize after a physical row with Ed Miliband when he took offense to the Labour Leader licking his lips incessantly while ogling the recent naked picture of his wife Sally, 6'7" smeared all over loca...
Read full storyAmerica Is My Friend
LEGAL LOONEY FARM - A man who was a loyal friend of U.S. troops, and who bravely fought along side of them during the Vietnam war, will not be buried at Arlington National Cemetery. His patriotic family received the devastating news while waving smal...
Read full storyRasta Mouse Agrees To Speak To Somali Pirates
The World seemed a better place today as news filtered through that the UN Diplomat Rasta Mouse has agreed to speak to Somali pirates in an effort to stem the rise of piracy in the region. Speaking from his own Pirate-Radio station, Rough-Neck Tun...
Read full story'Nouveau Homeless' Emerge as Travel to Super Bowl Sacked by Mother Nature
From all over America, thousands of Steelers and Packers fans found it almost impossible to get to Arlington, Texas for the Super Bowl game to be played on Sunday. Some are telling travel hell stories straight from the play books of the comedy film "...
Read full storyPrisoners in UK now Granted Right to Unionize; Threaten to Bring Justice to Its Knees!
Following quick on the heels of the EU mandating that prisoners be granted the right to vote, came the shock pronouncement today that all prisoners now have the right to join a union, go on strike, and in effect bring justice to a standstill! Nati...
Read full storyMount Athos: Berlusconi arrives for sex-addiction cure
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has arrived on the male-only peninsula of Mount Athos in Macedonia, Greece, for what the Vatican has described as 'a long rest'. It is however believed that the PM is on a sex-addiction cure which Pope Bene...
Read full storyThe Way We Were - Sam Morson's Tale
The young, American girl sat wistfully in an armchair in her new house which her daddy had found for her. She had not been feeling herself for over a month. Suddenly, her life and that of her boyfriend Vincent had been throw into turmoil. It was after the tragic case of Jo Yeate's murder and the subsequent investigation. The nightmare happened when her boyfriend had been arrested. Unfortu...
Read full storyWhy Spoof Writers MUST Accept Open Data - A Plea From the Heart
There are many challenges facing Spoof Writers today both social and cultural and the best way to take on this challenge is to work as a team. Teamwork, however, requires communication and it would appear, from recent Discussion Forum comments, that we have a long way to go. Therefore, Open Data is the key to our success as a Spoof Writing community. Simply put...we need to communicate openl...
Read full story'Zac's much too young and inexperienced!' admits Teresa Palmer
Los Angeles - (TittleTattle): "Besides, guys that grab my ass after just one lousy tequila shot kinda turn me off," the Take Me Home Tonight actress said today. Palmer was speaking to premier celebwatch site LA FagHagSlagMag following reports of h...
Read full storyVanessa Feltz - Goes For Broke
Vanessa Feltz was recently interviewed for a lifestyle magazine and asked about her recent Gastric Band operation and her miraculous 4 stone weight loss since. The blond bomb-shell looked a shadow of her normal self. She admitted that she still i...
Read full storyFat is Fatter
As people become more and more obese it is becoming clear that fat people are getting fatter. Hospital beds are collapsing and ambulances are getting puctures because of extereme fatties. Minister of Health, Egbert Skinny, explained to an audie...
Read full storyBird Brains Smaller
People suffering from the disease known as 'bird brain' have been shown to have 5% smaller brains than normal. The cause of bird brain disease (flutter oiseaux minimus) is unknown but there are several pointers which could explain it. Brains ar...
Read full storySimon Cowell is Really A Wax Dummy
Simon Cowell had recently started to look more and more plastic. He has no expression and his face is frozen into a sneering snarl. He has the same expression if he is happy or sad. It is fitting that he is thinking of making a movie about the life of Jordan and Peter Andre and the ill-fated Alex Reid. Katie Price looks like a little girl's Barbie Doll. Peter Andre has an action man look...
Read full storyRasta Mouse Meets President Mubarack
The Spoof can confirm that Rasta Mouse has had his first diplomatic meeting with unpopular Egyptian President Hosni Mubarack earlier today. Although reporters were not permitted to attend the talks, I managed to take a call from British Ambassado...
Read full storyMy husband's Jewish - but not so orthodox that we have hole-in-the-sheet sex says Sally Bercow
London - (Reuterus): That notorious bedsheet caper may come to haunt the Speaker Bercows amid reports a 'large aperture' was airbrushed from newspaper pics. "The mere idea of slashed-sheet intercourse is itself a gross phallacy," an irate Golders...
Read full storyEgypt: Mubarek Announces Plans to Build a Two Headed Camel Sphinx Riots End!!
Cairo - Today in a surprise move, Mubarak announced plans to build a huge new sandstone two headed camel Sphinx. The new sphinx will sit guarding the Nile with the heads appearing to be ready to drink from the Nile River. Mubarak has also agreed to s...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News: Newby's snow shovel 'found'.
Good news for Newby villagers. The missing show shovel has been found. It was originally feared that the Danby Five had shovellednapped it but after 3 days, when no ransom note had been received, villagers realized that their initial suspspicio...
Read full storyNeville Calls It A Day Before He Really Embarasses Himself
Gary Neville has finally done the decent thing and retired from top flight football. Speaking candidly on MUTV he issued the following statement. 'I'm packing in now because I realise I'm shite. I can't run anymore, in fact when I start to run,...
Read full storyVermin accused as Jo Yeates sock found inside predator's lair
Bristol - (Newshound): Bristol drag hunters have alerted the police following the discovery in a woodland fox hole close to where Jo's body was found. Bored hounds had been chasing a squirrel when an altogether different scent saw them plunge insi...
Read full storyNew Egyptian Tourist Board
The Egyptian Government, keen to get a return of the Tourist business underway, are advertising the new sites which tourists can visit. First and foremost will be the ancient Mubarak Pyramid and Sphinx - the oldest standing structures in modern Eg...
Read full storyChinese Virus Attack on Foreign Office was Zumziblatoo-F
In a press conference in Munich today, William Hague told reporters that the Foreign Office repelled an attack last month from "a hostile state intelligence agency". The virus used in the attack has now been identified as variant F of the infamous Z...
Read full storyBlood Test Fast Sends Spoof Writer Over The Edge
Fasting for nearly 16 hours before a blood test sent a Spoof correspondent on a high street food-grabbing spree before he was arrested by police yesterday. Head of EIF News & Features Ellis Ian Fields was scheduled for his annual blood test at...
Read full story'Ignorance is Bliss' Official
The Government has asked Jeremy Hunt to head up a Commission of the future to be called 'Ignorance is Bliss'. There are several strands to this new policy which will be popular with the electorate and ensure a Tory Government for the rest of time.
Read full storyHoward Stern News: Forensic Test Results on Fred Norris's Crusty Fungus Chair
The preliminary test results are in from the samples taken from Fred's crusty, disgusting, odoriferous chair. As we all saw in earlier threads, Fred's chair is a total mess, there was no surprise when it was discovered that hidden in one of the chann...
Read full storyNHS Ambulance Fleet Upgrades For Obese Patients
The ambulance service is having to upgrade its vehicles because some patients are becoming too fat, information from freedom of information requests show. Every service in the UK has commenced buying specialist equipment, which includes wider stre...
Read full storyPolitical Thoughts Over Breakfast
Rare Unprompted Thoughts This morning, after I'd filed away the just delivered overdue Eon Bill letter, I had another attack of bemusing mental meanderings, that came to me while I was having my breakfast, six slices of margarined toast, eight cups of strong tea, and my medication. Here is the outcome, I hope you can understand where it came from, and what it means. (If so please let me k...
Read full storyManic Street Preacher Teams Up With Katherine Jenkins For Folk Album
Rock revolutionary Nicky Wire is to release an album of of Welsh love ballads and folk songs with sexy soprano Katherine Jenkins. The generation terrorist is said to be seeking a change from the band's outspoken invective on alienation and cultura...
Read full story...According to Mark: A Play in Four Acts of the Apostles
Dramatis Personae Mark: A writer Zebedee: A father. James & John: Joined at the hip. Thaddeus: Not sure. Simon…uh…Peter…uh…Simon: Never mind. Act 1 of the Apostles Mark: Salutations, Zebedee, father of James and John. Zebedee: Shalom, boychik. Mark: How are you these days? Zebedee: What can one say? He comes. He goes. He comes again. And then He goes. But w...
Read full storyBBC Offer Top Gear Apology
The BBC has apologised over descriptions one of its trailers made in relation to the Top Gear TV programme. The segment characterised the show as "witty, informative and a must for all motoring fans". In an announcement made last night at 21.00...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Demands His Money Back After Being Booed At The New York Knicks - Dallas Mavericks Game
NEW YORK CITY - Justin Bieber decided to take a break from all of his non-stop concert playing of late and attend a New York Knicks - Dallas Mavericks NBA game. Bieber was sitting in the front row minding his own business when all of a sudden half...
Read full storyDemi Lovato Finally Finds Happiness In The Amorous Arms of Wilmer Valderrama
VENICE BEACH, California - After spending three months at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic, it appears that Demi Lovato has finally found true love. The young teen songstress was seen walking hand in hand with Wilmer Valderrama down at Venice...
Read full storyNaomi Campbell AKA The Queen of Mean Walks Off Piers Morgan's Show
NEW YORK CITY - Well Piers Morgan has finally made the big time. He has just had one of his guests walk off his show. Morgan was interviewing the woman who is known as "The Queen of Mean" Naomi Campbell on his brand new show Piers Morgan Tonight.
Read full story"My A--hole Wanted To Say Hi."
Had a bit of a parenting dilemma this evening. After watching the scintillating techno-thriller "Beverly Hills Chihuahua II," my five-and-a-half-year-old Miel went up to give her Mom a quick kiss goodnight. On the way over, she uh... she let out a little gas. "What was that?" Nikki asked her, smiling. Usually that would embarrass Miel to death. Without missing a beat, Miel responds: "My a-...
Read full storyFree range egg feather con revealed!
The practice of sticking one or two of them onto the eggs is not illegal but when the consumer realises it is done deliberately he or she will understandably feel they are the victim of a con. I am referring to the occasional chicken feather you will no doubt have found stuck to one of the eggs contained in the free range boxes you've bought during the last year or so.
Read full story'Five Guys' to Change Name to 'Three Guys and a Felon' After Board Meeting Fiasco
Mayhem erupted in a Five Guys' board meeting, yesterday; with Guy 5 taking a meat cleaver to Guy 3 and butchering him up into mince meat. All of the other board members, Guy 1, Guy 2 and Guy 4 all agreed that Guy 5 really knew how to use a butcher k...
Read full storyShocking News Out of Alaska: Sarah Palin Is So Furious At Daughter Bristol That She Has Threatened To Disown Her!
WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin is absolutely livid. She feels that she has been stabbed in the back by her very own daughter Bristol Palin. And what exactly has the Dancing With The Stars diva done to get her mom so fired up with anger that has mad...
Read full storyHeartbreak for Raven-Symone: Drastic Weight Loss Doesn't Cure The Gay.
If there's one thing Raven-Symoné never lacked, it's self-confidence, a rabid desire for hot girl-on-girl action, allegedly, and an LDL of 168. "I Thought I Looked Fabulous, No One Else Did." What a f--king pity. She didn't lose weight because she...
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