Heartbreak for Raven-Symone: Drastic Weight Loss Doesn't Cure The Gay.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Saturday, 5 February 2011

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If there's one thing Raven-Symoné never lacked, it's self-confidence, a rabid desire for hot girl-on-girl action, allegedly, and an LDL of 168.


"I Thought I Looked Fabulous, No One Else Did."
What a f--king pity. She didn't lose weight because she wanted to, she felt pressured to. The woman was damned hot, even a couple o' pounds above Health Department guidelines.

All that has changed how, since the former Cheetah Girl has gone from Oprah to Keira Knightley, weight-wise, showing off a much slimmer look at Wednesday's People's Choice Awards.

"I'll be honest, I was sick of the fat jokes," said Raven, who broke into show business playing Cousin Oliver on The Cosby Show. "You know, 'Look, a dress made out of an Army tent. That's so Raven.' It gets old, quickly."

"Plus I read somewhere that being skinny makes a person less likely to be homosexual. That doesn't seem to work, however."

Interestingly, Raven never considered herself unattractive when she was a big fat mess.

"I thought I looked fabulous before and nobody else did," she tells PEOPLE magazine. "It's like, so, whatever."

Symoné, however, has proven another Hollywood truism: The minute she got skinny, ABC Family picked up her pilot, called The Great State of Georgia.

"Yeah, being a heifer certainly made it harder to find work," she said. "I spent a lot of time counting the millions I made from 'Cosby'. It's still all there, by the way. Do you guys have any donuts?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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