Vanessa Feltz - Goes For Broke

Funny story written by dutch

Saturday, 5 February 2011


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Vanessa Feltz was recently interviewed for a lifestyle magazine and asked about her recent Gastric Band operation and her miraculous 4 stone weight loss since.

The blond bomb-shell looked a shadow of her normal self. She admitted that she still indulged in the odd indulgence of a cake or two and the odd bar of chocolate. She said, "I can only manage to smash one cupcake past the gastric band."

Recently for her Christmas dinner she said she could only manage a slice or two of turkey, a few brussels sprouts plus all of the trimmings.

At a meal in a restaurant her appetite appeared to be undiminished. A fellow diner said, "Vanessa was able to eat as much as anyone else and even indulged in a chocolate gateau for pudding. Even though she has had a gastric band she still doesn't exactly eat healthily."

Poor Vanessa has suffered with her weight for years and had ballooned up to seventeen stone. She would manage to lose a few stone with a personal trainer only to gain them again when they started having sex and she could get out of going to the gym.

We have all been their and had our eating habits and our physique ridiculed. Poor Vanessa she should become one of those ladies who is paid to be watched eating online; by saddos who like to see big ladies with attitude eating heartily.

The blonde bombshell is said to be the new presenter for "My Big Fat Jewish Wedding". It is an ideal job as she will be able to scoff all the pink meringues afterwards.

The producers have a special strong pink cadillac for Vanessa with reinforced upholstery. She is said to be worried that if she is taking ill a Jumbulance might night arrive in time if she needs to see her bariatric surgeon to have her band adjusted.

Keep up the good work Vanessa - don't let the bastards wear you down. Eat or victory - a girl can't survive on a little bit of sushi you look after youself - go for it!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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