"What the Cleaner Saw " - New Lead in Jo Yeates Enquiry

Funny story written by dutch

Saturday, 5 February 2011


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What the cleaner saw in rich girl Sam Morson's flat

A fresh lead has come to light in the Yeates enquiry. The daily cleaning lady has come up with fresh revelations.

Thirty Six year old Dorothy Blake has been a cleaner at 46 Cannynge Road for the past eight years. Hard-working mother of two Dorothy knows the inside of the Cannynge Road mansion like the back of her hand.

Dorothy goes to clean at the upmarket Cannynge Road mansion house twice a week and has keys to all six of the flats.

"I am a woman what does," said hard-working, char-lady, Dorothy proudly, "I just get on with what needs to be done; and gives the flats a once over with me hoover and makes sure everything is tickety-bo. I gives the toilets a scrub and check that there's no food rotting in the fridge."

Dorothy has many a tale to tell about posh, snob Peter Jefferies. "I knows him from me church. I've known him for years. He always says, "Get on with your work Dorothy I don't pay you to drink cups of tea and eat rich tea biscuits in my clients apartments." The cleaner sniffs disdainfully about the penny-pinching ways of posh ex-public school master Peter Jefferies. Apparently, Jefferies only paid Dorothy six pounds an hour. She worked three hours two days a week. "He would only pay me thirty six pounds a week and would never pay me a penny more, even if I had to work overtime. If one of his tenants had made a mess I was expected to clean it all up no questions asked."

On the 17th December hard-working Dorothy had, had to work extra hours as there was so much mess cluttering up the mansion. "There was mess all over the place. I had to mop up a flood in Flat No 4. The bath had overflowed and the shower had been left dripping water all over the vinyl. I found some wet clothing lying on the bathroom floor. There were girls clothes all wet and scrunched up. I found a grey sock all soaking wet and there was a funny smell like bleach in the bathroom. No it wasn't bleach but a funny chloroform type smell. I know from when I took my kitty into the vets and she had to have a little operation."

Dorothy said that she had given the flat a good 'going over'. She had scrubbed and cleaned and hoovered until the place was spotless. Dorothy complained that she found slices of pizza lying under the cushions of the sofa. Not only this she found two half-drunk bottles of cider, one of which had been half spilt over the beige coloured settee. The cleaner spent 2 hours on cleaning the apartment of Jo Yeates on the morning of the 18th December. She could not understand why the place was such a mess as Miss Joanna was usually such a tidy person.

Dorothy revealed that the bedroom had been in disarray with the bedding all dishevelled and the feathers from one of the pillows had burst out and gone all over the place. It was as if there had been a party there or something.

The good woman had complained to Peter Jefferies, he had been quite annoyed when she had demanded extra pay and he threatened to sack her from a job that she loved and needed. Scrooge Jefferies had told her that he would not pay her a penny more than her usual pay; and if she did not like it she knew where the door was. Dorothy had to pay for her own cleaning materials, flash, bleach, dusters and wet-wipes and bin bags out of her own salary. Over the eight years she had worked for Jefferies he had, had the same old defunct hoover. Every time Dorothy had to change the hoover bag she never knew if she would be able to get hoover bags for the old hoover as they weren't made any more. Poor Dorothy would have to doctor a hoover bag from a more modern make of hoover.

On the morning of the eighteenth of December after Dorothy had finished cleaning the manor house she left the miser landlord's flat in tears. Jefferies had threatened to sack her for whinging about her workload. On her way out Dorothy saw the American girl Miss Samantha Morson. Dorothy said that the young lady had offered to get her a brand new hoover from Dyson's where she worked in the financial office. Samantha invited Dorothy into her flat where she lived with a very nice Dutch man.

The Flat was spotlessly clean and Dorothy had not had to do any cleaning at all. All she had done was to change the bin bag. She emptied the bag and went to empty into the skip outside. All that was in the bag was one Tesco Finest Mozzarella Pesto Pizza and two small bottles of Woodpecker cider. Dorothy moved the two empty bottles from the bin bag as they should not have been in the recycling.

The cider bottles smelled funny they had that same funny chloroform smell she had noticed earlier in the Flat No 2 next door. She had also removed a grey sock which had also been wrongly put in the recycling bag in the kitchen of Flat No 4. There was also a copy of the Daily Mail which she knew that Samantha Morson would not usually read. Normally Dorothy would have to recycle a few copies of the Guardian.

Miss Morson was so kind and sympathetic she gave Dorothy a Christmas bonus of a twenty pound note and gave her a lovely tin of Cadbury's Roses. One thing Dorothy found a bit odd was that the lights had been removed from the Christmas tree in the living room. Some baubles were on the floor. The Christmas lights were in the bin although she knew that they were a new set. They had been tied into a noose and had been pulled tight. Samantha said "Oh can you be a dear Dorothy and get rid of those old lights we couldn't get them to work and we tried to put them up around the window but they fell down and broke. Dorothy could see that some of the lights were broken as if they had been used to drag something heavy. She noticed there were a few long blond hairs on the wire and there were also some woollen fibres which were attached to the wire of the Christmas lights. Samantha Morson said that she had, had a bit of an arguments with her neighbours who had accused her of putting rubbish bags into their wheelie bin. The American woman said "I could not believe the cheek of the woman after all we have done for her. Vincent even offered to help her assemble her Christmas tree and put her lights up around her flat before their Christmas party; and then she came around here whining about us putting bags into their wheelie bin. I was so angry that I said to her stuff your Christmas party, we won't be coming now."

Dorothy had been given a slick new hoover from the Dyson factory and a brand new mop and bucket. She wondered why a lady so nice as Samantha Morson could have been so nasty about that poor Miss Joanna who had been so kind to her.

It was only after a month of sleepless nights that Dorothy came forward with this fresh information and gave a statment to Avon and Somerset Police. Dorothy told Avon and Somerset Police that she had seen young Mr Tabak carrying a heavy package wrapped in tarpauline. She had seem a pink painted toe nail sticking out of the tarpauline. She had noticed the same colour pink nail varnish in Miss Jo's apartment.

Dorothy had not known what to think and could not believe that Miss Samantha and Mr Vincent could have done anything to nice Miss Jo. Later on she heard Peter Jefferies on the telephone to an architect firm saying that he wanted the two basement flats made into one large unit. He had said that he had a wealthy couple who were getting married who needed a larger flat for when they started a family.

Dorothy had found a poor little cat miaowing piteously in the snowy front garden of 46 Cannynge Rd. By the white spot on the kitten's nose Dorothy noticed that it was Miss Joanna's cat. She had taken the poor cat to her own council house after the news broke about the murder of Joanna Yeates. The poor cat had slept for a full ten hours and had coughed up a strange white substance that smelt a bit like chloroform and a piece of pepperoni which smelt decidedly odd.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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