The Way We Were - Sam Morson's Tale

Funny story written by dutch

Saturday, 5 February 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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The Eyes of a Killer

The young, American girl sat wistfully in an armchair in her new house which her daddy had found for her. She had not been feeling herself for over a month.

Suddenly, her life and that of her boyfriend Vincent had been throw into turmoil. It was after the tragic case of Jo Yeate's murder and the subsequent investigation.

The nightmare happened when her boyfriend had been arrested. Unfortunately, Sam was unable to give him an alibi for the seventeenth of December. She had, had an appointment after work at her hairdressers. She had booked in to have her blond highlights touched up in foils. Sam had treated herself to a blond semi-permanent colour and then had, had the foils done. This had all been very time consuming and hence she hadn't seen Vincent until about 7.30 pm as she'd had the hairdresser's appointment after work at Dyson's.

The couple had supposed to be meeting up for a curry at about 7 pm but her hair had taken much longer than she had expected. She texted him and arranged to meet him at 7.30 pm instead at the Balti Tondoori House in Clifton Road. They had had such a lovely romantic meal. He had had chicken pasanda with naan bread and she had, had a lovely chicken korma with popodoms. Sam and Vincent had then returned to Flat No 2 in Cannynge Road. After a couple of glasses of red wine they had retired for the night and slept soundly after a kiss and a cuddle.

She remembered hearing a woman screaming after their return to their basement flat. Vincent shrugged and said, "Poor little Jo has a phobia about spiders. Sam knew that little Jo was often vocal if she was afraid of mice or of creepy crawlies. She had thought no more about it. It was horrible how their lives had been devastated as a result of poor tragic Jo's murder. The two young couples hadn't known each other well but had been practically identical in that they were both golden couples with golden careers and wonderful prospects. Sam had often thought that she was reminded of Jennifer Aniston and Phoebe off friends when she thought of her and her neigbour. Jo and Sam were both blonds, with handsome boyfriends and good jobs. It was nice living amongst other successful and happy people.

All of that was to change suddenly before Christmas. Sam had been questioned by the police about her and Vincent's movements on the seventeenth of December. She had not really noticed anything different about Vincent on that evening. He had been his usual charming attentive self. At the Indian restaurant he had gazed soulfully into her eyes and produced a little blue box; on a silk white cushion there was a lovely diamond engagement ring with four little diamonds in a semi-circle. Sam had been the happiest girl in the world and had looked forward to meeting her new relatives in the Netherlands. She would be visiting them on the twenty-seventh of Christmas and staying with his extended family in a row of three holiday cottages.

Sam had happily gone to sleep on the seventeenth of December content that her life was working out perfectly according to the five year plan. Next summer she and Vincent would be married and who knows in a year or so she could be a mother. She had contentedly gone to sleep in Vincent's comfortable double bed and snuggled up under the snuggly white duvet.

Vincent had, had to go out of Flat No 2 to go to the local convenience store to buy some milk and bread and teabags as well as some Rizla cigarette papers.

He had only be gone for about three quarters of an hour. She had heard the commotion from next door and Jo screaming but had not really paid it much heed as the girl was known for her histrionics. Vincent had snuggled back into bed with her cold and chilled; however his hands were hot and his face was warm and his lips were burning with passion. He told Sam, "I called in to see if Jo was all right and she was screaming because her cat had caught a wood pigeon and had brought it into her Flat. Vincent had rescued the bird from the cat and repatriated it after it had recovered from its fright, into the garden. He said that old man Jefferies had been hanging about poking his nose in where it wasn't wanted. Apparantly Jefferies said that he had put some bait down for the rats and he had put some white powder onto a little saucer. Jo had got hysterical as she was worried her cat would eat the rat poison and die. Vincent had said that he had seen Jefferies add a few grains of white crystals to a bottle of white lightening cider which was on the door-step of Flat No 4. Vincent an innocent who did not see bad in other people had merely thought that he was adding some sugar crystals to make some lemonade. Sam wondered what Jefferies had really been doing creeping around like that. He had been the last one to see Jo alive as he had knocked on her door and taken her a local Bristol newspaper and a copy of the Daily Mail as he was worried she would be lonely on her own without the gallant Greg. He had even taken a hot water bottle around to Jo's and a small halogen fire. Obviously he had wanted to have his way with Jo and had been rejected. An attempt had been made by Jefferies to drug Joanna with some crushed sleeping pills in her cider. However, she had screamed when Jefferies tried to seduce her and told him to leave. Realising that she had not been sedated enough for him to have his way with her Jefferies had panicked and throttled her with her own ski sock.

Sam's perfect life had been turned upside down she didn't know why the police would not listen to her. She was 'standing by her man' and her parents were worried about her 'lovely Vincent'. Her dream had gone sour and she did not know how her life of sparkling champagne could have turned into flat coca cola.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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