Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore Headed For Divorce Court
After admitting to seeing other women, Ashton Kutcher says that his marriage to Demi Moore is practically over. They only need to file the divorce papers. The May-December marriage has lasted longer than most predicted but there has been a constan...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Sued In Court For Ten Million Dollars!
Singer Taylor Swift is in a five-year-long battle with a former manager who says he helped her get her start and when she got her break, he was left with nothing. Dan Dymtrow has been after the singer and her company for years and says it was time...
Read full storyWelcome to Wales
A land where everybody's surname seems to end in Jones, Evans or Davies: and isn't incest. A land of mountains so tall, you'd be stupid to use the train which conveniently runs alongside them. Where the sea meets the land and laughs at the football team along with the rest of the world. Welcome to Wales. English since 1282, Wales is a unique little place with it's own culture. People w...
Read full storyNew theme park to open in Orlando
Holiday goers will be ecstatic to note that a new theme park will be opening in Orlando next year following the success of Harry Potter land. "Crash and burn teen sellout land" will feature hit rides from Disney horny teenagers. "Obnoxious" Selena...
Read full storyOne is bored to death with naming ships!
Southampton - (Titanic Mess): "Worse than having to walk the bloody plank," the Queen moaned today ahead of Canard Line's Monday launch of MS Eponymous. Still, the reported £5 million appearance fee may offload some of that royal ennui which said...
Read full storyEdward M. Kennedy to Wed Mary Jo Kopechne
Ottawa, Ontario - Mary Jo Kopechne, the daughter of Joseph Kopechne and Gwen Kopechne of Hull, Québec, is to be married Sunday to Edward M. Kennedy, the son of Rosemary E. Kennedy and Joseph P.Kennedy of Ottawa, Ontario. Dr.Norma Jean, a Universal Li...
Read full storyDemi Moore To Dump Her Cheatin' Boy Toy Ashton Kutcher
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Demi Moore has confided to her hair stylist Slicky Pomade of Pomona that that she has had it with babysitting her 'boy toy' husband Ashton Kutcher, Moore, at 47, is 15 years older than her young hubby who is 32, but who lately ha...
Read full storyBiden to 'Play Hell'
Perhaps Vice President Joe Biden meant to say, "If we lose, we will PAY Hell," however, it is unclear what he meant when he said on October 9th, "If we lose, we will PLAY Hell." This plays back to a reported recent statement by First Lady Michelle...
Read full storyChapter the Ninth: Breakout
A dedication to Abel Rodriguez and Bureau A voice whispering into my ear as a slow line of raindrops beat against my forehead... The feel of duck tape being bound against my wrists... The slow wafting of Mozart's Symphonies from an abandoned grammaphone... The blindfold was whipped off, and the darkness which had engulfed me was banished. Someone was holding a torch directly in my line...
Read full storyX-Factor Gamu can stay, hoody chavs sent to Zimbabwe in her place.
The Home Secretary has been urged to take a personal interest in the case of X Factor reject Gamu Nhengu, who faces deportation to Zimbabwe. Scotland's Culture Minister Fiona Hyslop has said the teenager had the potential to be a 'great asset' to...
Read full storyWhy We Fight, the stolen Pentagon Papers Released
Back during the last years of glorious Wwii, the Department of War filmed a series of movies entitled "Why We Fight." They showed the Germans rounding up millions of Jews and killing them. The purpose of the movies was to enrage the American GI's a...
Read full story10/10/10 - The Truth
As the calendar reaches the date 1O October 2010 , when even in America it is 10/10/10, we have been visiting Mystic Meg about the significance of the numbers. 'Ten is always important' she said 'we have ten fingers and ten toes.' 'Ah, yes' I mused. 'Then we have ten geese a laying and tenderness is a ten letter word.' 'So what does all this mean?' 'Completeness.' 'So humanity is...
Read full storyThe World is NOT ending in 2012
The world has been waiting in anticipation for what the mayans predicted would be the end of the world as we know it. There have been movies made about this event, countless books written, and the world waits. A group of archeologists from Columbia University recently discovered a clue that puts the whole notion that the world is coming to an end to rest. We have the scoop here at the spoof, a...
Read full storyGeorge W sends a message to Anne Widdicombe
George W broke off from his Lego last night to telephone Anne Widdicombe after watching her performance on Come Dancing; he said: "Y'now, there annie, you shoun't take it tooo bad, y'know. When I was small, a child, y'all there poeple sayed, y'know, that there George W, he's stew-pid, y'know, gott'n no sense, an' less brain'n a critter with no head, y'know what I mean, Annie - but gee, look at...
Read full storyGay Ponies are Prettier than others
Larry Sabu,20, was walking down the street the other day when all of a sudden it hit him: gay ponies are far prettier than the other kind. He immediately abandoned his currant task or doing the shopping, and instead began an impromptu questioning...
Read full storyApple launch special phone for prisoners
Always eager to find new gaps in the shrinking mobile phone market, Apple believe they are on to a winner with the new Icon phone, designed specifically for prisoners' use. The phone is small, only the size of your thumb, and has a Teflon coating...
Read full storyMore Fat People Than Ever In US
A study by researchers into US dietary control has revealed that there are now more people than ever before, who just can't walk past a burger establishment without going in and purchasing a meal that a normal family could live off for a week. Out...
Read full storyJaded Tevez Could Walk Any Time
Manchester City's Argentine star midfielder, Carlos Tavez, says he could walk away from football at any time. The City skipper says he is exhausted by the demands of the modern game and has revealed that he has considered walking away from the gam...
Read full storyNon-Gay Americans are Terrible Parents and Set a Bad Example to their Children
Parents in America are terrible for allowing their sons to join the military, a new study confirms. Peter Dieter of the University of Colombia's advanced Family Therapy Programme says, "Encouraging children to go to war is very irresponsible and c...
Read full storyGay People are Better than 'Straights' and have bigger Penises
Gay people have long been known for having larger penises than their abnormal non-gay inferiors, but recent findings have disclosed just how long those penises are. Non-gay white people have convinced themselves that having 5.75-inch wobbly-bits...
Read full storyGay Man Laughed At By Marines, Waits For One, And Kicks The Shit Out Of Him
A gay man from Texas took sweet revenge on one of a group of US Marines who shouted obscenities at him last week, by waiting for one of them to become detached from the rest of his abusive group, then kicking the shit out of him. Larry Sabu, 20, w...
Read full storyGovernment Funds Doctoral Dissertation Study That Discovers Men Like Women's Breasts
A doctoral dissertation funded by the Federal Government as part of the Stimulus Package has discovered that men like women's breasts. Dr. Howard Dickwillie of the Nowhere Institute of Technology and Fertilizer Sciences, in an eighteen month stu...
Read full storyGay Man With Enormous Penis Refused Entry Into US Army
A man in Texas who tried to enlist in the US Army, has been told he is unsuitable for the role because of the length of his ENORMOUS PENIS. Larry Sabu, 20, who is an active homosexual and PROUD OF IT, contacted the Brownsville recruitment office a...
Read full storyCondoleezza Rice to release revealing new Memoir.
The former U.S. Secretary of State announced today that she would be releasing a new memoir about her life in the white house during the Bush years. The title of the book is "Life between a Dick and a Bush." In this revealing account of the thing...
Read full storyHobbit Movie To Cost Record £315 Million!
Hollywood insiders have been amazed by the news that the forthcoming movie of JRR Tolkien's The Hobbit will cost £315m - a world record. The planned four-hour epic, to be shot in 3D, will be in two episodes and easily outstrips the £177m spent on...
Read full storyTory cats 'are worse than Thatcher's' shock horror!
London - (Feline Mess): Shadow chancellor Alan Johnson has slammed LibDem/Con coalition pussies now resident in Downing Street as far worse than Mrs Thatcher's. Launching a scathing tirade against the Cameron/Clegg regime Johnson said former No 10...
Read full storyApple Sues Motorola, then themselves.
Apple announced today that they will be suing the cell phone maker Motorola for defamation of character after the company put out advertisements last week saying that Apples CEO was "pro choice, and had no business in Virginia government." Offici...
Read full storyBP announces new sport "Well Capping"
BP announced today that this spring they will be sponsoring a new sport. They call it "Well Capping." Officials from the companies marketing department claim that this is a twenty first century sport. "All the fun of water polo, mixed with all the da...
Read full storyBeautiful Russian girls find man
Following a world-wide search via the internet, beautiful Russian girls Irma and Annelida Weetabixski have found the man they were looking for. Irma - 26, long dark hair, likes tennis and the theatre said "We had popped down to the shops, and when...
Read full storyChile expect "baby boom" after miners release!
Chile is expecting a massive baby boom after the Chilean miners release next week. The miners have requested that their wives go out an buy sexy lingerie, sex toys, etc, and send the kids away for at least three days to their grandparents! The...
Read full story£90 make-up receipt sparks MI6 cryptographer death probe jitters
London - (Art of Camouflage News): Upmarket blemish concealer or spot-of-bother treatment cover-up goo? Police refuse to be drawn about some very expensive 'Heal 'N' Conceal' professional foundation itemised on a £90 make-up receipt found in Dr...
Read full storySerbia goes against the grain and becomes anti-Gay!
Whilst the rest of the world (apart from homophobic Islamic countries and the Isle of Wight) goes "gay" Serbia have decided to reverse the process and go "anti-gay"! In Zagreb the "gay" fraternity attempted to put on a San Francsico'er very pink,...
Read full storyThe disappointy Orange.
The Orange is disappointed that she has got pointy ends, She thinks that she is too round, unlike her lemony friends She thinks they look much nicer, with their pointy polar nips And she wishes she had some too; it really gives her the pips. The banana is too bendy, the apple? again too round. She wants to have a zesty zing at twenty pence per pound. But then again, an orange is nicer...
Read full storyI Googled my own name ....
I Googled my own name today to see what I could find. Apparently I'm a boxer, not a dog, but the pugilistic kind. The next line down says I'm a bloke from the antipodes but I've never even been there, I'm sure, but I have been overseas. Although I haven't seen Connecticut, that's where number three is from. He's a leader in his chosen field; I wish that I had one. All these blokes who...
Read full storyLAKERGATE: The President & the First Lady Doth Protest Too Much, We The People Thinks
WASHINGTON D.C. - In a joint move which did nothing but provoke even more speculative inside the Beltway discussion, President and Mrs. Obama both issued further denials of any pre-arranged, co-conspiratorial wrong doing on their part, regarding any…
Read full storyHungarian Grand Prix Called off... forever
The heavy rain in the Japanese Grand Prix is nothing compared to the mass hazard which has threatened to permanently cancelled the Hungarian Grand Prix. Following the red sludge, thought to be hastily stashed by Ian the Notorious Welsh Ripper in 1...
Read full storyX-Factor - Robert Mugabe To Mentor Cher Lloyd And Katie Waissel To Spite Gamu Nhengu
In a move that even took Nelson Mandela by surprise, Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe this morning announced plans to mentor X-Factor doubtfuls Cher Lloyd and Katie Waissel. Apparently Mugabe is well pissed off by the way Gamu has been badmouthi...
Read full storyChilean Miners Just About Fucked Off With Each Other
A spokesman for the miners in Chile, who have been trapped underground in a copper and gold mine for more than nine weeks, has said the condition of the men is "irritable", and that they are "just about fucked off with each other". The 33 men have...
Read full storyAleksandr Orlov Knighted by Cameron
David Cameron has announced, in his new Honours List, that he is to make Aleksandr Orlov a knight of the Garter for his services to advertising. Orlov said, "I will be liking the ermine cushion, simples." It is unclear if Cameron is aware that...
Read full storyNew McDonalds Tartan Created
A McDonald tartan has been created to celebrate a Scottish born nun Mary MacKillop, who died in 1909 and will be canonised next Sunday. Mary, who was a great fan of the first McDonalds shop in Scotland, Roy Bridge in Lochaber, is thought to be res...
Read full storyPrison Service Introduce Double Beds for Gay Cons
The Labour Opposition was in outrage, hastily sending quotes and sound bites to the tabloids after Crispin Blunt announced that gay prisoners in double cells will be able to demand double beds. Under Human Rights Acts all prisoners have a right to...
Read full storyWiddicome Says, "I was a Pratt!"
Anne Widdicome called a news conference yesterday evening, after her Strictly Humiliation to tell the gathered journalist, "I was a pratt!" She says she was blinded by the fee and the chance to get more press and television exposure. In a tearf...
Read full storyWife Throwing to be Olympic Sport
Finally, after much debate, Wife Throwing is to be included in the Olympic sports in time for 2012. The event will take place in Hyde Park. Wife throwing is a popular sport in the north of England and has set rules. All contestants must have...
Read full storyCity Names One-Legged Goose "Lucky"
A one-legged goose, who escaped the chopping block this past week, was nicknamed "Lucky" by city officials after he barely got away from a drunken resident who was looking to bag himself a free meal. The goose was minding his own business when an...
Read full storyAnn Widdecombe gets lowest ever score on Strictly
Judges and the audience were left speechless, or at best mumbling incoherently, following Ann Widdecombe's performance of the Salsa. The cameramen were relieved of their posts and taken away for treatment of their PTSD. The show's director was also s...
Read full storyPastor Fred Phelps Peddles "Hell" CD on Supreme Court Steps
Fred Phelps, Pastor of Kansas' Wesboro Baptist Church in Washington, DC for the Supreme Court trial of the case to decide his right of free speech to picket a fallen soldier's funeral, was selling homemade CD's featuring all the songs his congregants...
Read full storyMan Blames Divorce on Faulty Ear Plugs; Sues Manufacturer
Terrence Templeton was a happily married man for 53 years to his high school sweetheart, Gladys. The two were inseparable and couldn't remember ever really having any major fights in all that time. But Templeton, now 76, is divorced and says it is al...
Read full storyChapter 8 "Have you changed your mind yet?"
"Have you changed your mind yet?" asked number 3 bemusedly as smoke from the gunpowder began to clear and be replaced by the usual cigarette and banana leaf smoke. "Just that I think…," he paused, "Why did you purposely miss those three bastards, you don't strike me as missing anything without purpose," said Jean le fete. "To give you something to write about…if you lived… and you are alive...
Read full storyBelle Amie please exit X - Factor s'il vous plait
It is reported that the judges on tonight's X - Factor, the continuing saga of how to bury a story with a nasty smell, were full of praise for a group of young ladies calling themselves, "Belle Amie." Did they see and hear the same performance as...
Read full storyHugh Grant glum on 50th birthday
Whilst Hugh Grant has made no secret of dreading reaching his half century, one would have thought that he could have raised at least a smile. However, it seems even indulging oneself with a brand new Ferrari California, costing in the neighbourhood...
Read full storyUnion bosses "psychopathic" according to study
A recent study by the University of Camford has proven that trade union bosses are dumb psychopaths. Nerdy student Colin Anus PhD said "You see, many psychopaths have controlling tendencies, so they want to have a powerful job. But many people wit...
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