Written by Sidney Bollocks

Sunday, 10 October 2010

image for Ann Widdecombe gets lowest ever score on Strictly
1 + 4 + 4 + 3 = Goodbye Ann

Judges and the audience were left speechless, or at best mumbling incoherently, following Ann Widdecombe's performance of the Salsa. The cameramen were relieved of their posts and taken away for treatment of their PTSD. The show's director was also seen heading off with a rope noose in his hands, looking for a suitable hanging point.

When the judges had composed themselves, with the help of several large slugs of bourbon, they delivered their verdicts.

Craig, who is usually the more forgiving, asked Widdecombe "How tall are you Ann?" When she replied that she was 5'3", Craig said "I didn't know you could stack shit that high. That was quite the worst thing I have ever seen".

Len was almost lost for words, but did manage to say "I've seen more graceful shopping trolleys, Ann".

Alesha and Bruno were a little unsure as to exactly what they had just witnessed, but both said they had found it entertaining, in a strangely perverse kind of way.

Widdecombe bowed out of the competition and plans to concentrate on modelling her new lingerie range, which is currently being manufactured using only the finest Egyptian sail cloth.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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