Written by Xavier

Sunday, 10 October 2010

image for Widdicome Says, "I was a Pratt!"

Anne Widdicome called a news conference yesterday evening, after her Strictly Humiliation to tell the gathered journalist, "I was a pratt!"

She says she was blinded by the fee and the chance to get more press and television exposure.

In a tearful expression of rare humility she told how everybody thought she was a pratt when she talked politics, a pratt when she tried to get votes by bringing religion into her hustings and now, after watching her rediculous spectacle on the dance floor she fears she will now been written off as another 'never has been pratt'.

She said that, if she had been successful, she was negotiating for the lead in 'Fame' but that is unlikely to happen now.

In a letter to The Guardian, she wrote;

"Salsa accounts for about a third of all dancing. People have died as a result of salsa dancing and committed crimes (such as my performance last night) under its influence. This so-called soft dance also produces sweat, gallons of it in my crutch and under-arm areas.

"For some, it is but the gateway to hard dancing and winning but for me, I crashed and burned. Some studies in Brazil, where salsa dancing is lawful under certain circumstances, suggest that when salsa dancing increases, so does hard dancing. But to me all dancing is hard because I am built like an elephant and dance like a hippopotamus with a mango shoot up its arse"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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