Aung San Suu Kyi and Arnold Schwarzenegger snapped up for Strictly Come Dancing Xmas show
Blackpool - (Quickstep News): The freed Burmese politician will dance Por Una Cabeza - the Argentinian tango from 'True Lies' - according to sources. Suu Kyi has been signed up by the BBC Saturday night show for a reported £5 million amid frantic...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Cited By Airport Security For Reportedly Making Erotically Sensuous Moans During An Airport Security 'Pat Down'
LOS ANGELES - Actress Kirstie Alley was at L.A.'s LAX Airport going through security when she refused the full body scan. She was immediately told that she would then have to submit to the new security 'pat down.' Alley, who tips the scales at 409...
Read full storyTop Ten Views of a Non-American on America (Judging from Television, Film, Books, Music)
1) America is pretty much fat, loud, obnoxious and stupid and stubborn 2) School kids seem to spend thier time in corridors, or beating each other up, or participating in social cliques 3) Americans want change, but only change that never happens 4) America has paradoxical political movements 5) Americans believe their beloved Constitution mentions God and Jesus, yet it has no referenc...
Read full storyAan Sang Suu Kyi To Sign Up For TheSpoof.com
Rangoon, Burma. Burmese dissident Aan Sang Suu Kyi, who has been held under house arrest by Burmese military puppet government officials for way too long, at last faces the prospect of freedom. And Aan Sang Suu Kyi says that once she's released, t...
Read full storyClass of 1970 Extraterrestrial Aliens to Have Reunion
Illipio Eganospatic, chairman of the extraterrestrial aliens who landed on Planet Earth during the year of 1970, announced that they will have their 40th reunion in the Badlands of South Dakota on Christmas Day 2010. Alien Eganospatic, who touch...
Read full storyThe Chopping Block - H&R Block's Restaurant is Surprisingly Unprofitable with Crap Products
From deep inside Kansas City's jade-green, monolithic monument to stagnant innovation and ever-declining profitability --H&R Block's corporate headquarters-- comes yet another sh-tty idea that will bring distraction and unprofitability to the nea...
Read full storyStudents protest about media response to student protests
Today, a mass gathering of 20 students protested outside media outlets in central London, including the offices to the Sun, the Times and the Guardian. Small groups of them threw fire extinguishers at the windows in an attempt to grab attention. T...
Read full storyCountdown to Taylor Momsen's Career Suicide Begins In 3..., 2...
As sure as one could be of such things, sources in and around Hollywood have stated that the nearly non-existent upward career trajectory of actress/musician/alleged drug afficianado Taylor Momsen has reached its apex, and has already begun its rapid...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Invites Dick Cheney and Kanye West To Go Bird Hunting
DALLAS - George W. Bush speaking in the living room of his double wide trailer house in Dallas talked to Livingston Hillymucker, a reporter for Positively Politics Monthly The former president was asked if he really felt that Kanye West truly beli...
Read full storyGarfield The Cat Offends Veterans On Veteran's Day
Cartoonist Jim Davis has apologized to the Veterans Administration and to all American veterans as his "Garfield" cartoon came out on Veterans Day showing a conversation between Garfield and a spider. Garfield is just ready to stomp the spider wi...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Consults Dolly Parton Over Small Boobs
Taylor Swift, who has been more than a little concerned about her boobs, or lack of boobs, lately has asked the Boob Lady herself, Dolly Parton for advice. The two met backstage at the Country Music Awards this week and when Taylor saw Dolly, she...
Read full storyFuture News: Tory Cuts Causes Riots, Civil Unrest, Anarchy
To be published in 2013 - LONDON (E.U. zone), Former UNITED KINGDOM - The Coalition government ordered a State of Emergency as the cuts produced in early 2011 have ulitmately taken its toll on a public who have taken enough. After increasing tuiti...
Read full storyKarl Pilkington Flatly Refuses To Live On Coronation Street
'Idiot Abroad' star, Karl Pilkington, the baldy Mancunian travel reporter with 'a head like an effin orange' according to partner in crime Ricky Gervais, has turned down flat the opportunity to take up residence in Coronation Street, Weatherfield, Ma...
Read full storyProfessor Brian Cox joins campaign to stop end of the world
Professor Brian Cox has joined the campaign to stop the end of the World. He was asked to join by both Professor Steven Hawkins and Professor Snape who believe his superior scientific knowledge would add to their herculean efforts.. The campaig...
Read full storyG20, China Tells U.S. to "Pound Sand"
It is sort of interesting really, that in what has clearly become a world economy, where all now seem to thrive or die based on each other's economic health, that the major world players including China would tell the U.S. to go take an abrasive one in the arse. A bit of a shocking response given that the largest consumer market in the world, the economy that kick starts the world economy in ma...
Read full storyLoserific Jerkbags Who Stole Poppies and Disrupted Rememberance Day Hanged for High Treason
BIRMINGHAM - Two youths were found guilty by the City of Birmingham Magistrates' Court for stealing large poppies from lampposts on Broad Street, and selling them to innocent passers-by. The people also involved in disrupting the 2-minute silence...
Read full storyCats Bomb Moscow
A warning from a 45 year old Russian housewife that her cat was about to set off a bomb in Moscow was derided by police who considered the woman 'a little the worse for wear with alcohol'. In fact the cat had eaten explosives primed to go off at a...
Read full storyG20 agree to three month 'best before date' on money
Leaders of the G20 group of failing economies have agreed to avoid devaluation of currencies by applying 'best before dates' to money, during talks in the South Korean capital, Seoul. In a twist that would dizzy a corpse, leaders agreed the measur...
Read full storyDepartment of Homeland Security announces control of cyber-warfare initiative
A spokesperson for Janet Napolitano, Secretary of the US Department of Homeland Security, has announced that after a two year, 6 billion dollar study, "We think there might be a risk to using those computer thingies to store and transmit secret infor...
Read full storyKatie Price Finally Hits The Big Time - The Alan Titchmarsh Show!
Breaking news: Katie Price has finally arrived! The uber breasted former topless model and pissed up party tramp has really hit the big time with a guest appearance on The Alan Titchmarsh Show. Alongside Christine Hamilton, who once made a drunken...
Read full storyBarry Bonds planning comeback
Disgraced home-run king Barry Bonds is reportedly planning a return to professional sports. He is not, however going to play baseball. "Since MLB turned it's back on Barry, he has continued to work out." Explained Scott Boras, who will represent...
Read full storyKelly Osbourne Infatuated By Bristol Palin Says That Sarah's Little Girl Will Win It All On 'Dancing With The Stars"
BEVERLY HILLS - Kelly Osbourne, the daughter of rock icon Ozzy Osbourne and quintessential judge Sharon Osbourne was shopping at a clothes shop on Rodeo Drive. She was asked if she felt that Bristol Palin has a shot at going all the way on Dancing...
Read full storyLeader of student riots apologizes to Prime Minister Cameron
A self proclaimed leader of the riots outside 30 Milbank issued a public apology today. "Tuition hikes? Bloody hell, I thought they said 'libation strikes'. We thought we were being banned from the pubs." The lad was a bit sheepish as he conti...
Read full storySpurs Favourites To Take Over Olympic Stadium - Man United To Move To White Hart Lane
As Tottenham Hotspur and West Ham United launch rival bids to take over the Olympic Stadium in east London, speculation has increased that should Tottenham succeed with their bid, Manchester United will up sticks and move lock, stock, and barrel into...
Read full storyObama wins Nobel Prize in Physics
The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences has awarded the 2010 Nobel Prize in Physics to Barack Obama, current president of the United States. Mr. Obama accepted the prize at the traditional royal ceremony in Oslo, Norway. He addressed the distinguis...
Read full storyMicrosoft announces invention of the wheel
With disastrous initial reports coming in from the field regarding Microsoft's new Windows Phone (customers complaining that it just does not work, hackers immediately stealing account information and making hundreds of dollars worth of international...
Read full storyNigella To Fry Bacon Topless In 3D In Beeb Sensation!
BBC bosses remained tight lipped today over rumours that yummy 'chef' the luscious Nigella Lawson is to be approached to shoot a show which will depict her topless, frying bacon in sizzling hot fat - in 3D It is thought that the BBC powers that be...
Read full storyParody Week: Rooney Roo
And now, from the hit 60s TV programme Scooby Doo, Masterchev Entertainment presents: Rooney Roo. Rooney Rooney roo where are you? You've got a whore to do now. Rooney Rooney Roo, where are you? Pay up front and come now. come on Rooney Roo, old Man U needs you to start scoring goals, You don't have injuries that we can see, you're slower than Paul Scholes now. You know you've got a p...
Read full storyWhite Christmas Highly Unlikely - Met Office
The Met Office today announced that anybody who was counting on a white Christmas is in for yet another disappointment, because it hardly ever snows at Christmas in the UK - usually, it's more like the end of January when we grind to halt because an...
Read full storyWest Ham v Spurs for Olympic Stadium
The contest to take over the Olympic Stadium after the 2012 Games is between local side West Ham United and North Londoners Tottenham Hotspur. Avram Grant announced that he expects West Ham to have an easy win as the Hammer's supporters all live i...
Read full storyAusterity Cruises the New Rage
In the final analysis of the Carnival Splendor incident at sea, and after seeing their stock price drop at market this week, a new series of "Austerity Cruises" is expected to be announced, to tap into the Economically Challenged traveler market.
Read full storyPicasso Found in Toilet
I was just about to pull the chain in our bathroom when I noticed a package lodged behind my bath. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it was a painting signed by Picasso. Being unaware that cars could sign paintings I took the picture to a...
Read full storyKatie Waissel To Survive X-Factor Again - Aiden Grimshaw And Paije Face The aXe
Following hot on the heels of last week's farcical X-Factor vote off, Skoob Entertainment News can exclusively reveal that Katie Waissel will probably escape the axe again this week. SEN supremo Buffty Ginslinger claims that he overheard a little...
Read full storyStacey Solomon Shows Off Her Camel Toe On Aussie Beach
Kooky former X-Factor contestant Stacey Solomon was warming up nicely for her upcoming appearance on 'I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here' on an Australian beach. Posing for photographers in a metallic finish Khaki bikini yesterday, Stacey indeed...
Read full storySomali pirates hijack the Love Boat
The Love Boat, which has been off our screens for twenty-five years, has been hijacked leaving Egypt. The documentary about the affairs of the heart that occurred on this boat was compulsive viewing during the late seventies and early eighties, but w...
Read full story£51.6 Million Vase Is A Fake Says Forger
A well known forger prompted chaos in the antiques world today when he claimed that the 18th century Chinese vase sold at auction for £51.6 million is a fake. The vendors looked on in amazement as the auction - held in north west London, Pinner or...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Chain Ferry out of action; Again!
The chain link car ferry that connects Cowes to East Cowes is out of action, yet again. Severe weather on the island over the past few weeks has resulted in localised flooding around the chain link ferry connection points. This follows on from the...
Read full storySpinal Tap Reunion Tour Goes to 11 on 11/11
The long wait for a Spinal Tap reunion tour is now over as the gifted three set foot on stage for the first time in over 11 years last night at the Grand Theater in Leeds, U.K. Pushing the limits of technology in their heyday, Spinal Tap was the f...
Read full story£53 million Chinese vase 'is a fake'
London - (Trash-in-the-Attic Mess): Auctioneers described today's news a tragedy as experts branded the rare 18th century artefuct a load of old crock. The vase had smashed auction records reaching £53,105,000 after being talked up as Qianlong dyn...
Read full storyGay Man Allows Children To Touch His Tool
A gay man in the US has been criticised for allowing children in his neighbourhood to come to his garage and touch his tool. Larry Sabu, 20, of Las Cruces in New Mexico, invited children as young as 4 years old to his 'workshop' in the town to run...
Read full storyProfessor Norton Folgate's Theory on Wind
Professor Norton Folgate has a theory about wind. And, as usual, he was only too willing to share his theory with us. As it is too much like hard work to edit what the Prof witters on about, we are, once again, printing his latest theory in full. "Wind is a funny thing really. You can feel it and you can see the effects of it, but you can't see it. Wind is a kind of energy, which is...
Read full storyKGB blames The Spoof's Colonel 'Juan Lazaro' Shcherbakov for exposing Anna Chapman tits
Russia - (Spy Who Shagged Me Mess): Russian intelligence agencies have named Spoof writer Colonel Juan as the double agent who exposed the flame haired mata hari's boobs. KGB red top mouthpiece Kommerslutz said today Colonel Juan Lazaro was always...
Read full storyMinistry of Sound to merge with Ministry of Defence
Following on from recent widespread spending cuts, the coalition government have been looking at many different ways to make ends meet. Whilst at the same time as bringing an end to many quangos and non-departmental public bodies, they have also...
Read full storyMinistry of Defence purchases 10,000 paper aeroplanes
Steve Daniels and John Oates, of The Register website, embarked on a project to "reinvigorate the British space race" with the launch of a paper aeroplane into space. Defence Secretary, Liam Fox was so impressed with the cost saving of the lightwe...
Read full storyMan Cavorts On Bed With Girlfriend
A English teacher in the Thai capital of Bangkok has told how he "enjoyed a cavort" with his girlfriend on his bed at his condominium home in the city. The man, Moys Kenwood, 47, who should have known better, related the epic tale to this reporter...
Read full storySpoof news writers less funny since court ruling
A man who posted a Twitter message joking that he would blow up an airport is facing a £3,000 bill after losing an appeal against his conviction. This has caused an unprecedented downturn in the quality of humour worldwide, due to Spoof story wri...
Read full storyStudents Riot After Sir Terry Quip
Students across the country are plotting their next destructive ramapage following a chance quip from radio legend Sir Terry Wogan on popular student "TV while stoned" game show Never Mind The Buzzcocks. The outrage revolves around a discussion on...
Read full storyIn surprising turn of events, US citizens fleeing en mass to Mexico
As the post mid-term election reality sets in, and US Citizens begin to realize that little will change--and perhaps the political gridlock in Washington might even become worse--the Department of Homeland Security announced today that they are recei...
Read full storyClocks to go forward 24 hours
In the latest desperate attempt to pull the nation out of economic stagnation, Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron announced today that the clocks would go forward by 24 hours on Sunday. The Government dismissed the objections of sane people ag...
Read full storyHarry Potter Hex Threat - Wizards Union Furious Over Premiere Snub
Members of a union representing wizards have threatened to put a spell on stars of the latest Harry Potter movie. They are furious after they were not invited to the premiere of the Deathly Hallows in London's Leicester Square last night. On th...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse: I'll Never Forget The Night I Shat The Bed!
Laughing hysterically, I found Amy Winehouse bent over a chair at a restaurant in New York City, just after she had told others there about one of her wild adventures and so, being a reporter, I asked her about it. "You're laughing and you don't even know the story", she accused me. "Your laughter is contagious!" "And that's not all that's contagious! hah hah hah! Just kidding. Come over...
Read full storyMan on the Streets: Tory University Review
The Conservative (Tory) government in the United Kingdom have announced they are to increase tution fees, which must be paid back with interest for higher-education students in England. The average student will be saddled with £60,000 of debt to the government. What do you think? Todd Smith, Birmingham (Sales Rep.) - "University? That's the party place right?" Sam Hill, Ealing (Syst...
Read full storyMichael Jackson scheduled for 2011 World Tour
Michael Jackson, the moon-walking, deceased King of Pop, will hit the road for a world tour next year, according to representatives from his estate at a recent press conference. "As you know" they explained, "Michael has shattered the record for...
Read full storyJ. K. Rowling announces revised "Harry Potter" schedule
After meeting with Oprah Winfrey recently, J. K. Rowling has realized that there are people with more money than her. She has therefore decided to continue milking the "Harry Potter" franchise indefinitely. "The first clue should be the title of...
Read full storyPeapod by Shop-Rite: Kinda Like Netflix, Only Infinitely Suckier.
For those of us who are on our third DWI conviction, and have no one to buy our food stamps from us, comes a Netflix-like service by C-list grocery chain Stop & Shop: Peapod. How to Blow a Billion Dollars in Intellectual-Property Rights. Pe...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Confesses He's Fallen For Lily Collins
LOS ANGELES - Taylor Lautner the star of the Twilight series of movies has reportedly confided to his chauffeur Pettigrew "Zoom Zoom" Candlechip that he has fallen head-over-heels for Lily Collins. The 18-year-old Lautner said that unlike his most...
Read full storyPixie Lott Distances Herself From X-Factor's Katie Waissel And Cher Lloyd
Highly respected recording artiste, Pixie Lott has distanced herself from the current row surrounding X-Factor wannabes Katie Waissel and Cher Lloyd by simply having nothing whatsoever to do with any of that malarkey. Pixie, who served as a stand...
Read full storyOsama Releases Mix Tape
Government officials today confirmed the authenticity of a mix tape made by Osama bin Laden. The tape was mailed last week to the offices of Al-Jazeera and is believed to have been recorded in a cave in Afghanistan. The tape is a departure for bi...
Read full storyMan Finally Gets Stroker Ace After 27 Years
Saginaw, Michigan-Troy Cedarwood, a former shift supervisor for GM, revealed today that he recently figured out the hidden joke in the movie Stroker Ace, a Burt Reynolds vehicle set in the world of auto racing and released in 1983.The film is often o...
Read full storyEmma Watson & J K Rowling Don Black Lace For "Darkest Harry Potter" Premiere
The stars came out for the Deathly Hallows world premiere here in London, and they played it sombre, writes Oswald T Whistle, Vacuous Period Piece Correspondent. In keeping with the mood of the new Harry Potter - reckoned the Darkest Yet - its illumi...
Read full storyChaos as Angry Mob Torches Cruise Ship -- Now Marching to Washington
(San Diego, CA) - An angry mob of protestors set fire to the stricken cruise ship, Carnal Splendor, after it docked here on Thursday. Hundreds of thousands of agitated Cruise Passengers' Rights activists stormed the pier, overpowering security guard...
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