Professor Norton Folgate's Theory on Wind

Funny story written by birbee

Friday, 12 November 2010

image for Professor Norton Folgate's Theory on Wind

Professor Norton Folgate has a theory about wind.

And, as usual, he was only too willing to share his theory with us.

As it is too much like hard work to edit what the Prof witters on about, we are, once again, printing his latest theory in full.

"Wind is a funny thing really.

You can feel it and you can see the effects of it, but you can't see it.

Wind is a kind of energy, which is something that other scientists seem to have taken years to realise.

This is the reason we are only now seeing wind turbines sprouting up everywhere, because so-called scientists have realised that the wind can be harnessed, like a horse, and converted into electricity.

Don't ask me how that bit is done, when I invented the wind turbine and erected the first one on my garden about thirty five years ago, I got Dave the Sparky to wire it up.

It's great, the way Dave wired it up means that even when there is no wind it still keeps a-turning.

Anyway, the earliest form of wind power came from kites.

Kite have the ability to convert wind power into electricity and pass it throught the kite holders body and into the ground where it can be shared.

I found this out one evening in October when I was flying my HQ Infinity Lightwind and it got a bit close to some overhead power cables.

A funny thing happened, the wind speed seemed to increase as the kite hit the cables and the surge of electricity was remarkable.

Formula One designers know all about converting wind into energy.

It is a well known fact amongst the F1 fraternity that the teams that spent the most time in the wind tunnel were the teams that did the best.

This isn't because they get more testing done, oh no, it is because the longer the car stays in the wind tunnel the more energy goes into it and therefore it will go faster.

If you are driving in your car at 100mph, is the car full of wind, as the air in the car will be travelling at 100mph as well.

The weatherman on Sky said last night that 'Severe' winds of 80mph would be experienced over the UK overnight.

Well when I am in my car and I am travelling at 100mph then I am experiencing faster winds than your 'severe' winds matey and I don't get blown over.

And before you clever ones say that the wind in the car is not wind because it is a sealed container, well I have a convertible and the roof does not work so I have to drive everywhere with it down.

People often say that the oceans tides are governed by the phases of the moon.

This is poppycock, it is the wind that governs the tides.

When it is windier the tides go in and out faster, but I'll cover this when I write about Oceans and the Moon."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more