Obama wins Nobel Prize in Physics

Funny story written by Q. William Bacon

Friday, 12 November 2010

image for Obama wins Nobel Prize in Physics
Barack Obama, winner of 2010 Nobel Prize in Physics

The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences has awarded the 2010 Nobel Prize in Physics to Barack Obama, current president of the United States.

Mr. Obama accepted the prize at the traditional royal ceremony in Oslo, Norway. He addressed the distinguished gathering.

"Last year, you honored me with the Nobel Peace Prize, given in anticipation of future actions I would take in ending military conflicts around the globe. You also honored me with the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economics for future actions in relieving the worst recession in seventy years, the Nobel in Medicine/Physiology for future actions toward universal health care in my nation, and the Nobel in Literature for the future effects my best-selling books will have in inspiring a new generation.

"This year, I receive the Nobel Prize in Physics with deep gratitude and great humility. And yet I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the considerable controversy that your generous decision has generated. In part, this is because I am at the beginning, and not the end, of my labors as a theoretical physicist. Furthermore, as the first sitting president to receive the physics prize, I cannot promise that I will start learning physics until 2016, or 2012 at the earliest.

"And yet the great challenge of modern physics is clear, and has been for a generation: Our theory of the gravitational force does not, and can not, fit with our quantum theory of the other three fundamental forces. And there can be no progress in physics while the two academic camps engage in turf battles and partisan bickering. What Dr. King said on the eve of the bus boycotts in Montgomery rings true for sub-atomic physics today: 'Unity is the great need of the hour.'

"Therefore, I will dedicate myself eventually to discovering a unified theory, a theory that can truly be called 'grand'. I do this because a house divided cannot stand. I do this to repay the faith you have shown in me by giving me this award. I do this because, as the great physicist Stephen Hawking has said, 'then we should know the mind of God'. I also do this because physics is the foundation of all of chemistry, and chemistry really fascinates me."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more