Kelly Osbourne Infatuated By Bristol Palin Says That Sarah's Little Girl Will Win It All On 'Dancing With The Stars"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 12 November 2010

image for Kelly Osbourne Infatuated By Bristol Palin Says That Sarah's Little Girl Will Win It All On 'Dancing With The Stars"
An inside source has said that Bristol Palin has cut back on her daily Big Mac consumption from five to three.

BEVERLY HILLS - Kelly Osbourne, the daughter of rock icon Ozzy Osbourne and quintessential judge Sharon Osbourne was shopping at a clothes shop on Rodeo Drive.

She was asked if she felt that Bristol Palin has a shot at going all the way on Dancing With The Stars and capturing the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy.

Kelly giggled and said that she knows for a fact that Bristy has been known to go all the way, but as far as dancing is concerned she stands an excellent chance of beating Kyle Massey, Jennifer Gray, and Brandy Norwood.

When asked how in the world she could ever think, for even a micro-second, that young Palin could beat out Brandy or Jennifer, Kelly replied by saying because Bristol "The Pistol" is the underdog and Americans have always liked the underdog look at the Detroit Lions, Gary Busey, Three Dog Night, and Dog The Bountyhunter.

Kelly, who placed second the year she competed on Dancing With The Stars added that she is infatuated with Bristol, but not in a lesbianite way.

She smiled and said that American males have always preferred their women with a little meat on their bones such as the Kardashians, Jessica Simpson, Mariah Carey, and herself of course.

Osbourne then pointed out that even though she is not as fat as she was when she competed on DWTS she is still what could be considered 'pleasantly plump.'

When asked if ABC's credibility would not be shot all to hell if Bristol were to in fact beat out Brandy, Jennifer, and even Kyle, who are fantastic dancers Kelly merely smiled and said that, that is the nature of any contest where the votes of the people are taken into account.

Kelly noted that the reason and the only reason why Bristol keeps beating out other more talented dancers such as Florence Henderson, Audrina Patridge, Rick Fox, and Kurt Warner is because of her mother and the weight she carries with her political group the Tea Party, aka The Teabaggers.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Kelly Osbourne is correct. GOP political princess Ann Coulter has stated on the record that the hardcore members of the Republican party are very, very concerned with the awesome voting power of this splinter group that they refer to as The Teabaggers.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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