Subtle Butt Takes Care of Smelly Flatulence But What About the Noise?
Finally, a product on the market that helps to alleviate the unnecessary embarrassment of tooting in public. Subtle Butt is a filter patch that sticks to the inside of your underwear and filters the smell of flatulence before it offends anyone. T...
Read full storyThe Chelsea Clinton Wedding: The One-Liners
I think that there was a Freudian slip on my invitation to the Chelsea Clinton wedding. Instead of the word "bride," my announcement used the word "bridle." They used to say that "every" bride looks beautiful on her wedding day. After Chelsea Clinton's wedding, that will probably change to "most" brides. Yep, Chelsea Clinton's getting married and Bill and Hillary will someday be grandparents...
Read full storyIt's Lady Gaga In 'a Slam Dunk' Over Obama!
No, it's not for being the nation's leading ass nor for having Ferengi-sized ears, Lady Gaga has more followers on Facebook that the President with more than ten million followers, according to the most recent count. "I may have to run against him...
Read full story'Homer Simpson' Pinching Asses At San Diego Con
Several fans and a couple of actresses have told police that someone with a Homer Simpson outfit and mask had pinched their butts during the 4-day event, attended by thousands of fans in San Diego. Samantha Adams, from nearby Los Angeles stated t...
Read full storyJohnny Depp Says That His Latest Movie, "Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" Will Include Extremely Nude Plank Scenes Between Him and His Co-Star Penelope Cruz
OAHU, Hawaii - Johnny Depp was in Hawaii filming the fourth installment of his buccaneer series entitled, Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. And the stranger tides is certainly an apropos name seeing as how the movie takes place in the C...
Read full storyKings Of Leon Band Shit On!
Saying we can't take this shit any longer, drummer Nathan Followill led the Kings of Leon Band off stage after pigeons had shit all over them during their first three numbers. The fans of the group were not pleased to say the least. Shouts of REFU...
Read full storyDoes Tiger Woods Have Aids?
Although everyone has noticed that the post November 2009 Tiger Woods has not been the same on the golf course, they have put it down to all his troubles off the golf course. "I think it's more than that", stated one Source. "I can't believe Elin...
Read full storyFrance Has Declared War On Al Qaeda - Huh? No Way - France Does Not Do 'Fighting'
PARIS - French President Nicolas "French Fries" Sarkozy has issued a statement declaring war on the nefarious, guerrilla group known as Al Qaeda. Sarkozy said that it is his understanding that AQ leaders highly insulted his wife Carla Bruni Sarkoz...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie to star in "Dragon With a Girl Tattoo"
LOS ANGELES - Word has it that Angelina Jolie wanted to star opposite Daniel Craig in the English-language remake of "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". However producers nixed the idea, opting for an unknown name to take on the role of the tormented...
Read full storyCurt Shilling to Dem Senator Who Questioned 2004 "Bloody Sock" Win: I Can Tell You for Sure it Wasn't Ketchup!"
Boston Red Sox hero Curt Shilling was the victim again of misinformed Democratic politicians as a former US Rhode Island Senator now running for Governor questioned Shillings famous "Bloody Sock" victory in 2004 while slamming RI for granting a loa...
Read full story6-Year Old Somalian Girl Given Permission to Sail Solo Around the World
A six-year old Somalian girl has been given permission by the Somalian government to sail solo around the world in a 46-foot yacht commandeered by her father in a pirate raid off the coast of Somali earlier this year. The father/ daughter pair have b...
Read full storyWorld's fattest woman vuvuzela'd to death by world's fattest man
Sooner or later it was bound to happen. Death by vuvuzela. Sad news. The world's fattest woman [WFW] is dead. Vuvuzela'd to death by her over-eager lover - the worlds fattest man [WFM]. A disconsolate WFM wept torrents as he told paramedics:...
Read full storySpoof-Writer banned from web-site for 'Princess Diana' story
Remarkably, even in the world of satire, there are boundaries that should not be crossed. That was the salutary lesson learned today by long-time spoof-writer, Doris Middlewick, as she was banned from posting any further articles on her favourite spo...
Read full storyIt's Official: God Hates Louisiana
Breaking news: A brand new, totally separate oil disaster is unfolding off the coast of Louisiana. Monday night, a small boat hit an oil wellhead knocking the top off and allowing a geyser of oil and/or natural gas to spew 20 feet or more into the ai...
Read full storyBP CEO exiled to Siberia!
Tony Hayward BP / CEO has been officially exiled to Siberia by President Obama and Russian ex-President Putin is ecstatic to have the chance to wreak revenge on BP and their masterful leaks. After all the ex-CEO of BP's Russian operation did a mig...
Read full storyBritish Blogger "Skoob" Charters David Hasselhoff Eradication Society
Reportedly based on a personal bet, following a tough loss at team Guinness Pong at the local Pig & Whistle, Internet Blog celebrity, only known as "Skoob", launched a full Blogosphere campaign to eradicate David Hasselhoff from all media airwaves. A daunting task, most would agree, to eliminate the man who keeps coming back from the proverbial media grave. Somehow more famous now in cer...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Reunion Dinner Minus Kate
Seems there's no love lost between this year's contestants on Dancing with the Stars (DWTS) and Kate Gosselin. There is a reunion dinner planned and someone forgot to invite Kate. Strike that, they all forgot to invite her, and she's none too happy a...
Read full storyJohn Kerry Denied Request for 4th Purple Heart after Wounds Surrounding Tax Battle Over his $7m Yacht Turns Out to be Ketchup!
Massachusetts Senator John "Swiftie" Kerry suffered yet another 'war wound' after it was discovered his $7M yacht, built in Australia, and berthed in Rhode Island, would not be taxed in Massachusetts, his official residence, sparking tax payer outrag...
Read full story274,240 Porn Apps Created in First Hour After iPhone Legal Jailbreak Ruling
In the only growth seen in the American business landscape since President George W. Bush broke the world, software developers created nearly 300,000 pornographic iPhone apps in one hour, after The Library of Congress ruled that owners of Apple Inc.'...
Read full storyMel Gibson Enters Potty Mouth Rehab
Actor Mel Gibson was arrested at his home in Malibu this morning by sheriff deputies and taken to a rehab center that specializes in Potty Mouth rehab for adults. Gibson was heard screaming as the duties placed him in a patrol car. Bystanders say...
Read full storyWikileaks do Lohan
Washington, USA. Within hours of Wikileaks producing piles of leaked confidential documents on the war on terror in Afghanistan, the feared organisation has produced 20 000 documents detailing the lustful trysts that actress Lindsay Lohan got herself...
Read full storyTragic End for Film Council
The Government Minister for the Destruction of Culture, Jeremy Haunt, wants see a tragic ending to the Film Council by eliminating it from existence. 'It will be inspiring' he told an audience of film buffs 'at the end we shall just see an empty...
Read full storyHideous astrology for Chelsea's Big Day
New York - (Portents): Astrologers are warning that Saturday's baleful Mars/Saturn conjunction in the sign of Libra opposes Aries' Moon/Jupiter/Uranus trifects as the Clinton nuptials circus hits Astor Courts in Rhinebck, New York State. "Take it...
Read full storyParis Hilton Says That Adolf Hitler Wasn't Really Such A Bad Guy
ST. TROPEZ, France - Paris Hilton, the skinny, little blonde rich socialite who is famous for doing absolutely nothing seems to have stuck her size 9 imported Gucci heel in her gold plated mouth again. Miss Hilton told a reporter for The St. Trope...
Read full storyBack to the Tudors as 'the Earl of Leicester' Robert Dudley takes over as BP CEO
London - (Crude News): His 16th century namesake was a favorite 'poodle' and a first cousin once removed of the greatest English monarch ever, Queen Elizabeth 1st. Indeed the first Earl's reputation as a Machiavellian master courtier who always we...
Read full storyIt's the Siberian salt mines for BP's Tony Hayward!
Bloodyvostock - (Crudité News): The possibility of being reunited with failed Russian femme fatale Anna Chapman is almost a perk, of course. But for 'demonised' BP CEO Tony Hayward the chance to see out his notice period manning the company's Sibe...
Read full storyTony Hayward Has His Life Back!
For those who have been watching the personal drama of BP's CEO, Tony Hayward play out in the media, they will be happy to know that Mr. Hayward has gotten his wish. His life, which he claims was taken from him when the Gulf oil spill threatened to l...
Read full storyBreitbart: "Christ was A Commie!"
In a Blog post that rocked the US and startled the world, Andrew Breitbart disclosed today that Jesus Christ was a communist. "There is no doubt about it," said Breitbart, "Jesus was an avowed communist, a fellow traveler, and a conspirator that soug...
Read full storyObamas Set to Air Marriage Woes on Dueling TV: The View vs Oprah Tell All Show Down!
Now that the cat is out of the bag concerning the fact that the Obama marriage is in serious trouble with Michelle petulantly flying off to Spain to pointedly snub her husband's Birthday, it now appears the Feuding First Couple will go public in sepa...
Read full storyRodriguez Bloodline Proven Rightful Heir to Spanish Throne
In a shocking announcement to the world press last month, evidence was provided that suggested that Juan Carlos, reigning King of Spain, may not be the rightful heir to the throne. Another family closely connected to royal bloodline, a branch off the same familial tree if you will, has challenged the validity of Juan Carlos' reign. Regina Evita Rodriguez, matriarch of the Rodriguez family and...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Wight's Best Window Box announced
The Isle of Wight News's judges have been out and about for the past two weeks examining all the window-boxes that have entered this years competition. As usual, the competition has been fierce with some amazing window boxes, but there can only be...
Read full storyJustin Bieber and P Diddy! Whats all that about??
Why would a 40 year-old man give a fresh-faced boy a £131,000 super-car for his 16th birthday? That's the question that many are asking, following revelations that 'P-Diddy' Sean Combes, presented baby-faced singer Justin Bieber with a white Lambo...
Read full story'Ashley Cole is a Wanker' Facebook site breaks records
'Ashley Cole is a Wanker'. Many have suspected this for some while, but it now seems to be official. A Facebook site, entitled 'Ashley Cole is a Wanker' has now received a record number of 'I like this' comments and is racing up the charts. A F...
Read full storyYobbos invent frightening new method of assault
As if life on the streets was not bad enough these days, we have learned of a frightening new trend which is being adopted by gangs of yobs and hoodies, the length and breadth of the country. First there was 'mugging', then 'joy-riding'. More rece...
Read full storyParis Hilton Nazi Salute attracts a wedding offer from Prince Harry
Paris Hilton, billionaire playgirl, was caught by paparazzi performing a Nazi salute on a boat in San Tropez this week. After the an initial furore with the world's press accusing her of everything short of War Crimes, her people tried to laugh it of...
Read full storyVanessa White And The Saturdays Perform In Leeds Wearing Very Sexy Short Shorts
LEEDS, England - The British-Irish all-girl band The Saturdays performed to a huge crowd at a Party in The Park in Leeds. The five girls wooed and wowed the crowd as they sang dressed in very sexy short shorts and very tiny tight halter tops. V...
Read full storyRitual Stoning To Death Ruled Unethical By BMC
The British Murder Council (BMC) has finally committed itself to across the board condemnation of ritual stoning as a method of capital punishment. Ritual stoning - long a favoured method of despatching unfaithful wives in sink-hole, arse-backward...
Read full storyLeAnn Rimes Says That The New Song By Miley Cyrus "The Home Wrecking Country Girl" is Not Really About Her
NASHVILLE - Country singer LeAnn Rimes reportedly told her hairdresser Booby "Mr. Cornfield" Calico, that the new Miley Cyrus song entitled, "The Home Wrecking Country Girl" is not about her. Rimes said that she spoke with the co-writers of the so...
Read full storyMissing Fire-crew found safe and happy
A missing fire crew that was last heard from three days ago was found alive and well; along with the first two rescue parties who disappeared looking for the crew. The California forest fire that began six days ago, was thought to be coming under...
Read full storySloane-Kettering's Cure for Spermatorrhea Destroyed By Angry Sufferers.
Just minutes after doctors at Sloane-Kettering announced that it had discovered a cure for Spermatorrhea, a swarm of angry sufferers of the disease broke into Kettering's labs, destroying the treatment. Spermatorrhea, whose cause is believed to be...
Read full storyLiberty Tax's John Hewitt, H&R Block to Create Traveling Wilburys-esque Tax Supergroup.
Liberty Tax founder John Hewitt has stated publicly that he wishes to merge Liberty with sinking-ship industry leader H&R Block. All he needs to do is find someone who wishes to pay for it. "Yeah, I'm not gonna use my own money. F- - k that,"...
Read full storyDoctor Orders Angelina Jolie To Get Her Big Lips Reduced or Risk Looking Like Mick Jagger or Steven Tyler
LOS ANGELES - Angelina Jolie's face doctor, Dr. Vernon Celticbridge, has informed the movie starlet that her lips augmentation surgery has continued to increase in size and that the lips are getting pretty close to starting to look a little bit on th...
Read full story2010 Draft: The Philadelphia Eagles Select Mike Mamula, v 2.0, 13th Overall.
Eagles fans watch the draft every year, without fail. Why? Believe this as if it is Gospel: Because, without fail, the Philadelphia Eagles will squander some opportunity or other. Exhibit "A": the 1991 draft. The Eagles mortgage their future by g...
Read full storyI am drunk...But I am a spoofer...Robert Byrd Lives
WASHINGTON DC - (ABSNN) The ghost of Senator Robert Byrd (D) West Virginia, has appeared in the Senate Chambers on Capitol Hill to block the nomination of the wife of West Virginia Governor Joe Manchin (D). The spector of Byrd claimed "I am onl...
Read full storyWikileaks. America speaks. Fak-Ap bleeds. Parah-Salin tweets. Obama must 'refudiate' Nobel Peace Prize and declare war on Pakistan
PENTA-GONE: The shit has hit the fan. Nothing new in Wikileaks release of over 90,000 documents on the war in Afghanistan other than the biggest "un-secret" has now been made public. Is anybody really surprised that Pakistan has been double-dea...
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