Written by anthonyrosania

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

image for 2010 Draft: The Philadelphia Eagles Select Mike Mamula, v 2.0, 13th Overall.
Hey, Richie: BOO!

Eagles fans watch the draft every year, without fail. Why? Believe this as if it is Gospel: Because, without fail, the Philadelphia Eagles will squander some opportunity or other.

Exhibit "A": the 1991 draft. The Eagles mortgage their future by giving away 3 draft picks to move up in the draft. They select OT Antone Davis, who washed out of the NFL after 4 years.

What other doggies were still in the window? The Eagles could have selected WRs Alvin Harper and Herman Moore, Free Safety Aeneas Williams, and some QB named Brett Favre.

Exhibit "B": The 1995 Draft. The Eagles mortgage their future, again, by giving away 3 draft picks to move up in the draft to select DE Mike Mamula.

In Mamula's case, a marginal college player improved his draft position by kicking ass in the NFL Combine. Mamula was a beast: He bench-pressed 225 lbs. twenty-six times, ran a 4.58 40-yard dash, and scored 49/50 on the NFL's "Are You Smarter Than a Glass of Carrot Juice?" academic test.

Of course, most teams decided early on that Mamula was an undersized, pass-rushing end --even at 6'4", 245 lbs.-- and did not wish to draft him too high.

By the way, one of the draft picks Tampa Bay received from the Mamula draft positioning was used to draft future HOFer Warren Sapp.'

(Yes, I do have the luxury of writing this from my comfy aisle seat aboard Hindsight Is 20/20 Airlines. In stark contrast, the Eagles' foresight rivals Stevie Wonder's in lack of acuity. And it's my f- -king article.)

Draft Day, 2010: Everyone in the universe thought the Eagles were going after Texas safety Earl Thomas when the Eagles mortgage their future by giving away 3 draft picks to move up in the draft, up from No. 24 to No. 13 in the first round. (Does this sound familiar?)

And the Eagles select… an infant-sized (5'10") defensive end in Brandon Graham.

With the thirteenth overall pick in the draft.

Now the Birds are going to stuff square-peg Graham into the round hole that is a pass rusher in the 4-3 defensive scheme.

Sound familiar? It's Mike Mamula, v2.0.

The safety came in round 2, in the form of Nate Allen. But Allen is a cover guy, and one thing that the Eagles' secondary needs is a back that can actually tackle.

You can't even blame it on a "select the best player available" mentality: A lot of players picked in the middle rounds would surely have been available later on. Brandon Graham would still be sitting in his booster seat, waiting to hear his name, well into Round 3.

The only delicious pickle slice on this flame-broiled sh-tburger of a draft may be 7th round pick LB Jamar Chaney, who's better than his reputation foretells.

The Eagles looked at combine numbers and scouting reports, not holes in the roster, when selecting these guys. Mazel-tov, we're f--ked.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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