Tony Hayward Has His Life Back!

Funny story written by Charpa93

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

image for Tony Hayward Has His Life Back!
Life-size Hummel Figurine

For those who have been watching the personal drama of BP's CEO, Tony Hayward play out in the media, they will be happy to know that Mr. Hayward has gotten his wish. His life, which he claims was taken from him when the Gulf oil spill threatened to last indefinitely, has been restored in some respects, albeit a little less wealthy than before, but nonetheless intact.

Due to a dramatic decrease in salary, Mr. Hayward will have to make some dramatic changes to his lifestyle, but he says that he is willing to do so just to be done with that "awful oily nightmare." He had his eye on a brand new yacht which he had already planned on calling "Tony's Folly" but it will have to wait until he moves himself back up the ranks at BP.

And, of course, the high-priced call girls he's been accustomed to while away from home have been replaced by nightly visits to the local Cheetah Club. It's a sacrifice he says he's willing to make in order to pay for his favorite hobby, collecting Hummels. That's right, he collects porcelain figurines. The really expensive ones that demand top price at Hallmark Card Stores. His favorite Hummel is one of Beau Brummel, circa 1961. "It's worth a small fortune," says Hayward. "And to think that I picked it up for just $50 at a local flea market."

Speaking of flea markets, Tony has now had to change his shopping habits. Instead of having someone do his shopping for him, he now has his driver take him to the local outlet shopping centre and he actually shops for his own undergarments at the Calvin Klein 50% Off Store.

Everyone is in agreement that this latest turn of events for Tony, while on the surface seems to be a slap of cold water in the face, has been positive. He has his life back, he still has his Hummels, and he is learning a bit about what it's like to have to survive on the low end of the millionaire scale. Quite a lesson in humility we expect.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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