New York - (Portents): Astrologers are warning that Saturday's baleful Mars/Saturn conjunction in the sign of Libra opposes Aries' Moon/Jupiter/Uranus trifects as the Clinton nuptials circus hits Astor Courts in Rhinebck, New York State.
"Take it from me," society stargazer Celeste Jugular said today, "it's as if Fate had specially hand-picked such a karmically hideous day.
"And what's more the Clintons thoroughly deserve whatever payback is heaped on them during this goddawful alignment.
"Geez, the whole rotten, stinking freakshow might not even happen at this rate!"
The dire aspects are believed to form part of a Third Secret of Fatima sub-clause that promises to heap divine retribution on some of history's worst scoundrels.
The news has prompted an 11th hour security review at the White House where President Obama has suddenly found himself embroilled in an emergency crisis (septic ingrowing toenail, maybe?) that will see him grounded from the Clinton nuptial gala.
More details are expected to emerge soon.
