Robert Pattinson quits "Breaking Dawn"
Twilight Heart-throb Robert Pattinson, has just announced that he will NOT be signing up for the last instalments of the twilight saga, due to the "tension" on set. He claims that he and his co-stars, have too much bitterness among each other, and th...
Read full storyPrince William Ratzinger to present Bafta fellowship gong
London - (Thespian Mess): The Pope's grandson will present a lifetime achievement gong to KGB hooker Vanessa Redgrave this Sunday at the Royal Opera House. William, son of UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown and EU gravy train madame Baroness Ashton, wa...
Read full storyTiger Woods 'apology' performance nominated for "Best Actor" by Oscars committee
PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Florida: In a too-little-too-late PR campaign designed to redeem himself, Tiger "Cheatah" Woods emerged from hiding and issued yet another apology. It was a closely scripted, well-rehearsed event - intended to inject the right...
Read full storyIf I was Tiger's Wife...
Entertainment for the Masses- Thinking of the many millions available to me If I were Mrs. Tiger Woods, I would: Start by having a new prenuptial drawn up FOR ME, stating what happens to all the bucks now that would have been shared. 1. Anything I buy, cars,yachts,real estate would only be in my name and not to be divided should we divide. 2. I am allowed to withdraw any amount of m...
Read full storyTiger Woods Still An Inspiration To Young Golfers
Tiger Woods, after his impassioned confession and apology, is more of an inspiration to young golfers than ever before. Before Tigers sexual indiscretions were made known golfers were considered the nerds of the sports world. Now young golfers ev...
Read full storyElin's reaction to Tiger's Press Conference
TV Flashes and Entertainment Slashes- The Tiger's wife stayed out of the Tiger's limelight as he proclaimed the hurt he caused to wife and family. As Elin sat in front of their 92 inch home entertainment center at home she could see every pore in...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 2-3
Exams (See Grades) - Now that you've had a brief opening glimpse of the people who run the place and have the most to do with your overall ruin, you need to direct your attention to a matter that will cause you more trouble than any other in your high school career: exams and the attendant grades that accompany them. There are only a few kinds of basic formal examinations found in the average hig...
Read full storyTiger Woods Speech Takes 10 Minutes To Name Girlfriends
The much anticipated Tiger Woods speech went out Friday morning and the scheduled 5 minute apology turned into 14 minutes of names. Reading everything before his audience made up of friends and family and a cheering George Stephanopoulos who seem...
Read full storyThe Gospel According To St Elton
And Jesus did enter into James' house and didst say unto him "You are my beloved. I love you more than any of the other guys who I hang around with." And James did blush at the words of Jesus. For James did worship Jesus and did regularly go down on his knees before him. They went to James' bedroom and they did remain there for three whole days. On the third day they rose, as if from the dea...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Denies "Hanky Panky" Rumors About Her And Kelli Pickler
ABERDEEN, South Dakota - Taylor Swift, who has just about won every country music award there is to win except for the 'life time achievement' award, performed before a sellout crowd of 19,000 at Aberdeen's Icicles A-Plenty Arena. The arena's heat...
Read full storyToyota Swagger-Wagon Ad Shows They Still Have The Ego, So Who Cares About Safety?
Unless you have been dead or living in a cave, you have been watching the Winter Olympics. If you have any brains, you have been DVRing them and therefore have avoided many of the advertisements that make up about half of the coverage of the Winter...
Read full storyBBC insider who leaked "Who Killed Archie" secret will be found and punished
It has been announced that the person who revealed the identity of the Killer of Archie from Eastenders will be found and punished. The insiders sensationally broke the news of who killed Archie in a live internet broadcast to the nation just t...
Read full storyShaun White: "Man, have you ever looked at a Gold Medal? I mean, like, really looked at it?"
VANCOUVER, CANADA-Following his dramatic gold-medal winning performance on Wednesday, snowboarder Shaun White spoke to journalists about his victory, and also took the time to forward his observation that the gold medal he was awarded contains some "...
Read full storyThe Evil Genius Personality Quiz
I have always thought it would be really neat to be an Evil Genius like we've always seen in the Bond movies or even the Austin Powers films. You know: having an army of henchmen to do my bidding, sitting in a really impressive office with a kitty in my arms, wearing a mao jacket, shaving my head and launching a plan for world domination. But how do I know if I'm REALLY evil genius material? How...
Read full storyCher: Sleeping In Bed Of Cow Shit Secret To Looking Young!
63-year-old Cher, who is an American pop singer-songwriter, actor, director and record producer told fans in a CNN interview yesterday that the secret to her looking only a few years older that when she was the wife and singing partner of Sonny Bono,...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Blows Captain Winky's Cover!
One tabloid out there is wondering if a secret air marshal has blown his cover by talking to his seatmate, Kim Kardashian. According to the latest in the ******* tabloid that will be released in a couple of days, as they are going back over the wh...
Read full storyObama does nothing. Gets applauded for it.
The Obama Administrone has unveiled a major initiative to create jobs in the embattled American economy. After a year of sitting on its ass and doing nothing, President Obamination has graciously announced, "Oh, all right already! We'll create ONE...
Read full storyCheryl Cole's wedding ring hex
London - (Nuptials): Has wearing her £160,000 heart-shaped diamond wedding band upside down hexed Cheryl's marriage to Ashley? "Probably not," a leading marriage guidance expert commented today. "The made-in-heaven love match was always a bit o...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Reject Has A Meltdown - Jessica Furney Begs and Begs and Begs
HOLLYWOOD - Jessica Furney has just received the unofficial award for being the most conceited, egotistical, pompous, self-absorbed, ego tripping snob in American Idol's nine year history. The Kansas native even managed to make last year's shrieki...
Read full storyTiger Woods to enter Marathon Sex Event.
Embattled Golf star Tiger Woods announced early today that he has decided to take his career as a professional athlete in a new direction; one that will more accurately reflect who he is as a person and what he is all about. Woods, recently the ce...
Read full storyAmerican Forces Fight Taliban with iPad
Kabul - As Operation Moshtarak continues so the usefulness of iPhones has already been revealed. Soldiers fighting against deadly insurgents can not only relax with a game of guitar hero, check facebook and organise a dinner party in Lewisham at a lo...
Read full story"The Second World War Ended In 1944" Medvedev Tells Veterans
Russian President Dmitriy Medvedev has stunned the nation's veterans by announcing that the Second World War ended in 1944 and not 1945. He announced this just before the holiday of 'Defender of the Nation' and it has been seen as a slap in the face...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Offers To Sell Photos of Jon's 3-Inch "Winky" To The Supermarket Tabloids
PITTSBURGH - Kate Gosselin, the Kate of the cancelled reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, was in town shopping for three washing machines when she was asked how she is holding up since her divorce. The 34-year-old mother of eight replied that she w...
Read full storyProstitutes Meet in D.C. Say US Congress Is Giving Whores a Bad Name
Hundreds of prostitutes and Madams from around the country met In Washington D.C. this week. It was a diverse crowd of all ages, colors, creeds, and sexual orientation. A spokesperson, Ms. Shana Williams, a Vassar graduate with advanced degrees from...
Read full storyGary Potter And The Courtroom Of Plagarism
Gary Potter waved his wand and suddenly he was in Hagworts, an old school building which looked suspiciously like another. He had caught the train earlier at Platform 7 and 1/2, which was very close to another, very similar platform. When Gary Potter had arrived his friends, the rather cute girl and the ginger one, were waiting for him. The ginger one was extremely agitated. "Gary, the shit's h...
Read full storyHeadline writer ate my guinea pig
Veteran Headline Writer, Herbert "Guinea Pig" Puddles, is at the centre of yet another controversy following reports that he broke into the restaurant of top TV Chef, Hugh Burnley Whippingstool, and ate one of his pet guinea pigs. The grizzly scen...
Read full storyKeith Richards in Israeli Intelligence Scandal
Keith Richards, a guitarist with The Rolling Stones, now aged sixty-six has finally admitted that he has been working for the Israeli secret service since 1961. He had been recruited whilst at Sidcup Technical College when an Israeli classmate realis...
Read full storyJesus Elton did you say Jesus was Gay?
Elton John has made the sensational claim that Jesus was gay in a controversial interview for a magazine in the USA. Elton said "I think Jesus was a super compassionate,super intelligent gay man who understood human problems" The Bible Bashers...
Read full storySharapova scorn at semi-nude Shakira/Nadal video
Blushing Meadows - (Hawkeye): Just weeks after revealing to Spoof reporter queen mudder her nocturnal torment at the imaginary hands of grand slam ace Rafael Nadal, the Russian tennis star has spoken about her contempt at his steamy video with blond...
Read full storyJesus claims Elton John 'isn't gay'
After Elton John claimed that Jesus was a gay man in an interview he did for some magazine called Parade - not the British wank mag from the nineties but an American Sunday newspaper magazine apparently - Jesus has hit back in some quotations...
Read full storyDrama as Lama meets Obama
China has protested against the meeting of Tibet's Dalai Lama with President Obama because according to China The Dalai Lama is an Insurgent in exile. Human Rights campaigner Robert Anderson says that the Dalai Lama is in exile because if he goes...
Read full storyMichael Jackson murder: I Didn't do it - it was the monkey I tells ya!
Michael Jackson's Doctor Conrad Murray has pleaded not guilty to causing the pop stars death he said "I didn't do it." Rumours suggest that Bubbles the monkey is in the frame and may be charged with manslaughter. There was a dispute between law...
Read full storyThe Selena Gomez Purity Ring Has Just Become The World's Number One Selling Ring
NEW YORK CITY - The Ring Around The Rosey Jewelry Company of New York, manufacturers of the Selena Purity Ring have just announced that the Selena Purity Ring has just surpassed the promise ring, the friendship ring, and the wedding ring as the top s...
Read full storyTwo American Idol Rejects Arrested In Plot To Kidnap Simon Cowell
HOLLYWOOD - The Hollywood Police Department has just announced that they have two individuals in custody who were allegedly plotting to kidnap American Idol judge Simon Cowell. The HPD was reportedly tipped off by a former janitor who was employed...
Read full storyEvil Genius Threatens Planet!
Mongo - The world was briefly terrified today in the aftermath of a newsflash announcement from none other than Emperor Ming of Mongo, the sinister tyrant of the 1930's serial "Flash Gordon", who demanded that Earth's rulers abdicate to him or face t...
Read full storyThe Penis Is No Longer Just A Member, It Is Now Either A Whole Other Part Of The Psyche Or Is A Sentient Being
John Mayer, Robert Pattinson and Tiger Woods seem to have one thing in common, their penis's have a mind of their own. Mr. Meyers penis is racist, but he swears the rest of him is down with chocolate. Mr. Pattinson says he is allergic to vaginas, w...
Read full storyWorld Watches Words from a Wounded Tiger
News Flash Favorites -According to news flashes everywhere on the planet, Tiger Woods is due to give apologies to all of his mistresses and anyone else he might have offended in his tirade of terrible deeds these past few months. The TV news stati...
Read full storyChris Brown Nears End of Probation and Ready to Move On
Los Angeles County Circuit Court reviewed what it called a "clean report card" on Chris Brown's behavior this week, while Brown nears the end of his probation. Speaking to reporters after the update hearing, Brown indicated he was ready to "move on"...
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