HOLLYWOOD - Jessica Furney has just received the unofficial award for being the most conceited, egotistical, pompous, self-absorbed, ego tripping snob in American Idol's nine year history.
The Kansas native even managed to make last year's shrieking, tear-flowing prima donna wannabee Tatiana Del Toro seem like a nun who has taken a vow of silence.
The 19-year-old 'plain Jane' begged, pleaded, implored, and appealed to the judges to pick her "please, please, please pretty please with a cherry on top."
The bespectacled crybaby did everything but write the judges a check. It even looked for a moment that she was actually going to take off her blouse and bra and show the judges her tits.
Had the self-absorbed Furney done that, Ryan Seacrest would have fainted, Simon "The Prince of Put-Downs" Cowell would have thrown up, Kara DioGuardi would have covered her eyes, Randy Jackson would have said, "Alright Dawg, how about da britches," and Ellen DeGeneres would have said "Okay, you've made it into the top 24 bitch!"
Never in the nine-year history of the show, and there have probably been close to one million American Idol hopefuls, has anyone degraded themselves to the level that Jessica Furney did. It was not only sickening to watch; it made her look like the biggest loser in the history of losers.
All of the four judges were clearly embarrassed for the whining brat from Kansas. And it was really a good thing that Simon, the "Sultan of Sarcasm" was in a fairly good mood. Because if he hadn't been he would have probably reached in Ellen's purse, taken out the pepper spray decanter and pepper sprayed Jessica like she was that mean expletive-spewing, nasty-mouthed vulgarian Kathy Griffin of the reality show My Life on The D List, which certainly must stand for 'Dick.'
Talk radio station KRAP known as 'The Rumor Mill' from Calabasas, California is reporting that Kirstie Alley's G-spot is now the size of a grapefruit.
