Hundreds of prostitutes and Madams from around the country met In Washington D.C. this week. It was a diverse crowd of all ages, colors, creeds, and sexual orientation. A spokesperson, Ms. Shana Williams, a Vassar graduate with advanced degrees from Harvard and Columbia University issued a statement as follows:
This was a productive and interesting week for all of us here in our nation's Capitol. We came here in order to come to the heart and soul of our nations business. We are business people too, and achieve our goals with more honor than most of the folks who live and work in this great city. We are prostitutes, a honorable profession that has existed for thousands of years. We came here so that we could speak out. We, too, are citizens of this great country, pay our taxes, and give value for the services we provide. We are here to say that the members of the United States Congress are giving whores a bad name! They take our money and give nothing in return. What would happen to us if some Senator from Nevada paid us to tie him up, tickle him with a feather, and beat him with a rolled up newspaper, while calling him a bad boy. What if we started all that and then walked away, telling him we would check in with him in a year or two? How long do you think we would be in business? Our pimps would beat the crap out of us. The legislator's pimps, the lobbyists,just shove more cash in his pocket and tell him to keep up the good work!
She continued, "Well, they are not going to have good, honest, hard working prostitutes to kick around any longer. Anyway, the business has changed, it's not like when my Mom was hooking and before she met my Dad, the Senator. No one just wants to get laid any longer. They either want you to hurt them and call them a bad boy (the Democrats) or hurt you and call you a slut (the Republicans) and no one just likes to get bonked anymore. It all comes down to the fact that the American people are getting gang banged by their duly elected representative and they aren't even getting kissed. When we cry out, "Stand up America" we don't mean it in the way you might think." She smiled, took her briefcase, and left the stage.
In other breaking news, Goldman Sachs has announced they are posting the new Final Four betting line on the internet and have purchased the lotteries of the states of New Jersey, Rhode Island, and Connecticut as well as their state legislatures.
