It has been announced that the person who revealed the identity of the Killer of Archie from Eastenders will be found and punished.
The insiders sensationally broke the news of who killed Archie in a live internet broadcast to the nation just two hours before the official revelation. Internet viewers saw two impeccably dressed hooded characters take it in turns to read mockingly from the stolen Eastenders script.
"One voice was very shakespearian in a Dr Who type of way" Said a shocked viewer. "And the other was a bit sarcastic in a Jeremy Paxman newsnight type of way"
The hooded men said they were part of an organisation called the "Switch off the telly,and Go Watch a play" society. But insiders think they are actually part of a more millitant group called "More Documentaries, please; Less of the unimaginative crap"
They have been campaigning against the use of neverending, serialised rubbish for a long time now. Their main aim is to make people aware that this kind of telly is turning people into zombies controlled by the state.
This is probably true, but it cannot condone the actions of these two spoil sports. Its says that when it finds out who committed this terrible act of revelation, the perpetrator will be banned from the BBC canteen for a fortnight and will never again be able to use the BBC Taxi account like its a form of free public transport.
"Don't worry, we're going to hit them were it hurts."
"Through their expenses claims?" Asked Katarina Frogpond (that's me).
"Yes. No more Jo Malone Candles for Jeremy."
"Do you think he'll really miss them? Is that really a suitable punishment? Asked Katarina.
"Probably not...but its the only punishment we've got... and personally.. off the record.. I am on their side. Hurrah for Jeremy and Dr Who. More Documentaries, please"
By Katarina Frogpond.