When I Grow Up I'll Be ...
Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? A study of thousands of 11-year old American children in 1969 offered a snapshot of how they imagined their lives would be when they reached 25. Here are a few of their predictions: Barack Obama: 'When I grow up I hope to go on holiday to America or even become an American, as I have spent all my life on islands in the Pacific Ocean. If I...
Read full storyKatherine Jenkins Naked - No Chance
Anyone hoping to log on to naked photographs of Welsh diva Katherine Jenkins is going to have to spend an awful long time on line, only to be disappointed because no such pictures actually exist - at least not in the public domain - as we can exclusi...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Ridicules Bestiality Allegations
Budding legend of the silver screen, Robert Pattinson 23, who plays Edward Cullen the vampire in the Twilight movie series was today, a little hacked off by scandal mongering press 'vampires' who continually take his off-the-cuff remarks out of conte...
Read full storyMassive Breasted Nurses star Joslyn James: golf champ's manhood even more potent during Chinese Year of the Tiger
Los Angeles - (Year of the Tiger): In a new interview this week porn actress and former Tiger Woods shag Veronica Slut-Daniels - aka Joslyn James - has warned fellow slags against straddling the golfing athlete under current planetary auspices. "A...
Read full storyThe Brit Awards 2010 - The Sneak Preview
Tonight's Brit Awards, to be broadcast live from Earls Court promise all kinds of surprises, as they have in the past, with Jarvis Cocker showing Michael Jackson his arse as a prime example, although that is unlikely to happen again, on account of Ja...
Read full storyTomb of the Unknown Redneck Opened
Donkeyspank, AL - State officials in Alabama and over 10,000 inebriated citizens gathered in Donkeyspank, Alabama today for the ribbon-cutting of Alabama's newest monument: The Tomb of the Unknown Cracker. The monument commemorates an anonymous r...
Read full storyCanada tells jealous, slovenly, pint-swilling, 2010 Olympics-bashing UK media: "Take off, eh. Suck it up tossers - Vancouver is #1 in the world!"
LONDONISTAN: Canadians are mildly amused at the hypocrisy of the British media which has embarked on a major Olympic-bashing campaign. The opinion in the true North strong and free is that the reason for this tabloid 'journalism' is sheer envy and...
Read full storyDick Cheney Going Hollywood
Former Vice President Dick Cheney has signed a film deal to make the 2010 version of the Tender Mercies/The Wrestler/Crazy Heart series. He'll portray a heavy drinking, guitar strumming, washed up politician, finding redemption in a relationship...
Read full storyBNP Membership Soars As Ethnic Minorities Sign Up By The Thousands
Following the announcement on Sunday that the British National Party (BNP) had changed its whites-only policy to allow "coloured people" to join the party, thousands of ethnic minorities have rushed to join up. Nick Griffin, leader of the BNP, sai...
Read full storyJamie Lynn Spears Drops Baby's Daddy For Older Man
According to a national tabloid, Britney's little sister has now abandoned her baby's father and is going with an older man. Although no one is saying who the older guy is, speculation in the article in The National Sewer is that it's Senator Rob...
Read full story'Below Decks' Enjoys Resurgence As Shamed Pirate Captain Limps Into Port
Ironic though it may be, the misfortunes which have befallen disgraced pirate ship captain, Morse Morse, of Moosejaw, Maine have sparked a massive resurgence of interest in the Spoof.com's collaborative Magazine Section saga, 'Below Decks'. The s...
Read full storyOne Of Germany's Top Female Olympic Figure Skaters Suspended For Pubic Region Reason
VANCOUVER - The Canadian Winter Olympics Committee has ruled to suspend German figure skater Lia Sophie Berlinburger. One of Berlinburger's fellow teammates, who was only identified by the initials Z.Y. informed the German figure skating coach Max...
Read full storyNBA All-Star Game Sets Attendance Record - 108,713!
DALLAS - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones' $1.15 billion Cowboy Stadium was the host of the 59th National Basketball Association's All-Star Game. The game was turned into a combination basketball game, music concert, and circus. Rhythm and blue...
Read full storyLocal Woman Writes Erotic-Crime Gnome Novel
Local woman Gloria Bumsrush, 48, has become something of a local celebrity after racing to the top of the book charts with her novel 'Gnome Offender'. Not surprisingly, the inspiration for the book came from looking out her window at the little be...
Read full storyBeckham: "Playing at Old Trafford will be a 'Dream Come True'"
David Beckham stunned journalists at at news conference ahead AC Milan's Champions League match against his former club Manchester United at the San Siro stadium tomorrow. Beckham, 34 announced that he was more excited about the return leg in Ma...
Read full storyAfrican Pygmy Family Adopt Amy Winehouse
A family of African pygmies, the Inuses, have adopted singer Amy Winehouse after finding her wandering about the forest and eating mushrooms. "Those mushrooms are dangerous", stated Jean Inus father of the family. "They make you see things and yo...
Read full storyOld Video Of Kristen Stewart Catching Up With Her?
If you've noticed a cooling of affections between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart after the completion of their last Twilight movie, rumor is that there's a video made when Kristen was 17 out there somewhere. Exactly what is on the video, eve...
Read full storyMan Aged 91 Who Died Taking Part In Sex Drug Trials Thought He Was Being Offered A Day Trip To Niagara
For 91 year old Harry Don, it was just another day in the nursing home. He rose at 7.30am and had breakfast at 8am, then he watched the morning news on TV in the common room along with others in the home. Harry was approached by a doctor he didn't...
Read full storyText Sex Is Still Adultery Says De-Frocked Bishop
In the light of recent tabloid scandals, particularly those involving Ashley Cole and Vernon Kay, I was moved to seek out spiritual advice as to whether "text-sex" was just a bit of harmless flirtatiousness, or whether it was something much graver, w...
Read full storyJohn Mayer checks into rehab after breaking down on stage to massive public indifference
John Mayer has voluntarily checked into rehab after it finally dawned on him that the world is not as fascinated with him as Mayer is with himself. The realisation came after yet another attempt to crack the British market left music lovers mystified...
Read full storyAshley Cole - Guilty By Underpants
Chelsea and England full-back Ashley Cole was today left in a critical credibility struggle as certain unscrupulous publications ran raunchy text pictures allegedly sent to a glamour model, which depicted a headless man in his underpants posing in fr...
Read full storyQueen of England to become Queen of European Union
The Queen of England and a number of colonial provinces is to become Queen of Europe in the near future. You might think its a bit far fetched but lets look at the facts. The Queen like the rest of the so called Royal family is of German descent t...
Read full storyHundreds of KGB femmes fatales have infiltrated UK Premiership spooks warn
London - (Lady-From Shag-Hai Mess): A Russian espionage totty squad has infiltrated the UK Premiership spooks warned today. The motley Mata Hari crew has ditched wayward £10,000+ per week footballers to concentrate on the 'real Premiership' - of B...
Read full storyQuickie Insertions
All nations around the globe, as of Adam & Eve's era up to now, have been invariably in dire need of 'executioners', of course, with some minor differences. For instance, certain countries, such as Saudi Arabia, have firmly stuck to pre-stone-age form of execution. In these countries, chopping off a thief's hand or a none-churchgoers' head is purely divinity. Paradoxically, despite the ten...
Read full storyBritain's biggest lottery winners already broke
It was a dream come true for a bearded couple from Gloucestershire today when they came forward to reveal that they were the winners of the 56 million pound Euromillion lottery prize. But within hours of going public and receiving the cash the cou...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Gets Green Light From Rob Pattinson Over New Movie Project
Kristen Stewart has proved beyond all doubt that there is life after the Twilight franchise as she entered into discussions to play the leading role in a proposed new movie based around 1970's kids' action figure 'Stretch Armstrong.' Miss Stewart'...
Read full storyHouse Minority Leader Opens Eyes, Arrested For Indecent Exposure
Congressman John Boehner of Ohio, long known for his "hooded eyes look" was arrested today for indecent exposure after opening his eyes wide in a press conference. No one in the Capitol had ever seen this and the reaction was immediate. "I can't...
Read full storyBNP will have to be ENP eventually when SNP win
The British National Party have been warned that they will probably have to change their name at some time in the future to The English National Party because if the Scottish National Party get enough votes they will declare independence for Scotland...
Read full storyNASCAR to Add More Potholes in Upcoming Events
Following one of the most exciting Daytona 500 races in history; NASCAR officials embraced their troubles with potholes on the track surface by announcing that future events would indeed see more hazards introduced during the race. While Jamie McM...
Read full storyRussian With Three Testicles Wins Gold
News from the Winter Olympics in Toronto. In the speed skating the mens 100 metre dash was won by Russia's Houdunika Bolokov in a new record time. Controversy still surronds Bolokov's entry in the games. He is the first openly tri-testicled athlete t...
Read full storyThe Curious Case of Benjamin's Buttons Cadbury's Buttons
Once upon a time nearly 200 years ago now a young man named John Cadbury opened a shop in Birmingham selling coffee,tea and drinking chocolate later Johns brother Benjamin joined the company and they formed the business Cadbury Brothers of Birmingham. Years later Cadbury Brothers business flourished selling their own brand of chocolate but Benjamin Cadbury was particularly fond of their Chocola...
Read full storyFriends - The one that nobody watches anymore
(Opening Scene - Joey's flat. Chandler walks in to find Joey sitting on the sofa watching TV) Chandler - Hey Joey, fancy seeing you here. Joey - Hey Chandler .. This is my flat so where else would you expect me to be. Chandler - Forgive me if I'm wrong, but didn't you move to Los Angeles to pursue a career in acting. Joey - I certainly did. You must have watched me on TV in that hi...
Read full story"Dump Him!" Girls Aloud Advise Our Cheryl
The pressure was piling up on 5'3" tall Cheryl Cole to give errant husband Ashley the elbow over the weekend, as reports surfaced that the hobbled Chelsea full-back has been sending explicit pictures of himself to more than just one boob-flashing gla...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Cheerleaders To Include Men Next Season
The Dallas Cowboys, never a team afraid of setting new trends in the game of football, will break with tradition next season when their cheerleading squad will contain "at least 7" male cheerleaders, it has been reported. A story in the Las Cruces...
Read full storyWinter Olympics athletes complaints and training procedures
At the Winter Olympics in Vancouver in Canada there have been a number of complaints from athletes regarding their accommodation for example athletes from Iceland have complained that their central heating has broken down and they are freezing and be...
Read full storyMeaning of Shrove Tuesday lost
Everybody knows that Shrove Tuesday is Pancake Day, but Catholic Church leaders are concerned that many people do not understand the origins of the day. Also known as Mardi Gras (or Fat Tuesday, when translated using Google Translate), Shrove Tues...
Read full storyIt's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World
In Kansas today it was like a scene from the movie It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World when a massive pile up of more than 40 cars happened on interstate 70 near Bonner Springs as they all seemed to be rushing like crazy to get to the same place as though t...
Read full storyGlobal Freezing predicted to continue as Meerkat says compare the temperatures
Alexander Meerkat famous for his television advertisements on comparing car insurance has now turned his skills to comparing worldwide temperatures and has predicted Global Freezing. When we spoke to Alexander he said "Global Warming and Global Fr...
Read full storyAmerica's Captain Morse Infiltrates One Of Mexico's Most Notorious Drug Cartels
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Secret, Covert, and Clandestine Operations has just released information that noted Central Intelligence Agency operative known as Captain Morse has successfully managed to infiltrate the headquarter...
Read full storyPamela Anderson Offers To Help Jon Gosselin Go From A "3 Incher" To A "4 Incher"
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Actress Pamela Anderson, who is considered one of the country's most sexually active females has said that she really and truly wants to help Jon Gosselin. Ms. Anderson said that she read where Gosselin's ex-girlfriend Hailey Gla...
Read full storyIranian nuclear power plant expodes
October 22, 2045- The Iranian nuclear reactor at the Tehran power plant exploded this morning causing the death of over 350 workers. More deaths are expected as the week ends, from the nuclear fall out. Thousands of Iranians were heading for the...
Read full storyMysterious source of global warming identified
For decades, scientists around the world have been puzzling over the source of recent anomalous warming of the planet otherwise known as anthropogenic global warming or AGW. The International Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) was created to sort through...
Read full storyGod forgives the Nazis for the act of genocide
At a conference of world leaders, God said he would forgive the Nazis for committing genocide on Jewish people after Israel condemned an ex-Mossad agent for having too many wives and producing too many Jewish children. The dedicated agent was cha...
Read full storyCrazed Cruise Passenger Attempts Mutiny
A Cruse ship based on Miami destined for Aruba was forced to make an emergency stop in Bonaire today when an American passenger attempted a mutiny in the dining room, brandishing a carving knife from the baron of beef station over his head and shouti...
Read full storyFreud's Lost Paper Concerning Sexual Enjoyment Found
Vienna Austria: A few pages from a paper written by Dr. Sigmund Freud about sexual pleasure have been uncovered in the back of a drawer in his old desk. Dr. Freud asked his patients to prepare a timeline of their sexual activity and to rate the le...
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