"Dump Him!" Girls Aloud Advise Our Cheryl

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Monday, 15 February 2010


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Is It Ashley Or Vernon Kaye? We Need To Know.

The pressure was piling up on 5'3" tall Cheryl Cole to give errant husband Ashley the elbow over the weekend, as reports surfaced that the hobbled Chelsea full-back has been sending explicit pictures of himself to more than just one boob-flashing glamour model.

Cheryl's mum, Joan, has been publicly critical of her soccer playing son-in-law Ashley - nicknamed 'Cashley' by his legions of detractors because of his reputation for doing anything for money - saying that he doesn't deserve her daughter's devotion because he's such a two faced jerk.

Now Cheryl's fellow band members from Girls Aloud have added their weight to the argument by claiming that Ashley is an untrustworthy lowlife whose truckloads of negative publicity and general untrustworthiness do nothing but hold Cheryl back. Sarah Harding is said to be particularly furious, not least because she remains largely ignored by satirical websites, for whom Cheryl has proved to be something of a staple.

Ashley Cole has been hugely unpopular among sports fans and media watchers alike since his controversial transfer from Arsenal to Chelsea and his admission that he cheated on Cheryl with a trainee hairdresser. In addition, Cole's off the pitch conduct has not been widely regarded as exemplary.

By contrast, everybody loves Cheryl Cole and she has a really bright future as a solo act, warming up audiences for 'proper' musicians like 'Black Eyed Peas' and as a shoulder to cry on for disillusioned X-Factor losers.

"She ought to dump him," Girls Aloud's taxi driver told us. "She's a lovely young lady and he's a right merchant banker. She wants to kick him while he's down with his busted ankle, not run around after him taking him cups of tea and puffing up his pillows. Arrogant little shit, he is."

Cheryl Cole was unavailable for comment as she was said to be honing up her lip synching skills in preparation for the upcoming Brit Awards, where she will be performing 'live.'

More as I make it up!

She did! 23/02/2010 And I didn't!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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